Monday, May 26, 2008

sitting with feelings

I think i finally understand the concept of sitting with your feelings. It's something I've heard talked about lots of times. And I always thought about it, and thought I understand it, but now I think I really do.

Someone I love is sick, in the hospital, and I can't do anything. I don't have a clear idea what's going on and they're refusing all visitors. I'm frustrated by my lack of knowledge and control. I'm saddened at the possibility of their death. I'm angry that their sick in the first place. I'm worried about so many things. I'm having nightmares about them, and other people close to me dying. It's just not a good situation.

Sitting with your feelings though, is about just accepting them. It's not about analyzing them. It's not about asking "how can I be angry at someone for something that is totally beyond their control". It's about just letting those feelings come and go. It's about feeling uncomfortable. It's about wanting to cry and letting yourself. It's not about running, it's not about distracting yourself, it's not about covering them up. It's about letting your heart break, it's about feeling the unbearable, it's about wanting to scream and screaming.

I'm not sure what else to say. It sucks. And there's nothing I can do.

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