dumped on the door step

The other night a taxi stopped in front of the shelter.  This isn't all that unusual as people are always calling to get picked up from the drunk tank.  In this case though, the taxi was dropping someone off... I guessed almost immediatly what had happened, and I was right on the mark. 

We have a relationship with the downtown hospitals.  They'll call us and we'll send someone out in the van to pick up clients and drive them home or to the shelter.  They understand, for the most part, that we fill up, and with the exception of the brand new staff, understand that the shelter does not have any reserved beds even if a patient has given us as their address.  We will work with the hospital to try and find that person a place to go, and if worst comes to worst, they'll let the client spend the rest of the night in their waiting room and we'll pick them up in the morning in time for coffee.  It's not an ideal arrangement, but it works for the most part.  

Unfortunately, because of the way the hospital is divided, our shelter actually falls in the catchment zone for one of the suburban hospitals...how, I don't know, but it does.  This means, that when an ambulance picks up one of our clients from the shelter or surronding area, they generally wind up almost on the edge of the city, outside of our driving boundaries, and if the buses have stopped running for the night, with no way to get back downtown.  This particular hospital has somewhat of a relationship with us, simply by default, but not in the same way as the others.  And so, when that cab pulled up, I just knew it was going to be a person dump.  

And so, an old lady wound up on my steps, in the winter, with no jacket, no way to get anywhere, and our shelter was full.  Even though I'd turned away numerous people that night, I let her in, because really, what was I to do, the cab had driven away, and she wasn't one of our regulars who I knew could be "street smart".  It turned out, she had a house, but didn't have keys and so had no way to get in.  The hospital had given her a cab voucher to get to us, and assumed that we'd take care of the situation for them...how nice of them.  

I was pissed off.  SO, I did something I rarely do, I called up the hospital, and politely, gave them a piece of my mind...I think may have scared the poor girl in the ER, not something I'm proud of.  See the thing is, I can totally empathize with them.  This woman is a frequent flier, and there was nothing medically wrong with her.  Brought in by ambulance, she presented without her jacket and keys.  The hospital would have given her cab fare home, but despite repeated calls to her land lord, she had no way to get inside, and they were unable to reach anyone else for her to stay with.  They then sent her to the homeless shelter, thinking we could give her a place and help her out in the morning.  She also contributed to the situation by lying and saying she was a regular of ours when in truth, she was brand new and had no idea what she was getting herself into.  

I explained to the hospital that we need them to PHONE first before sending us something.  That maybe together we could work out a plan.  I explained that we fill up quickly at night and so unless they call first there is no gaurantee that a person is going to get in.  I talked to two different people, and I think I got my point across.  What I really wanted to say though was "dumping people on the doorstep of a shelter is NOT okay".  I really felt for this woman even though her lifestyle is likely what caused this situation in the first place.  And despite being medically cleared, she really did not look healthy.  

The thing is, hospitals are not homeless shelters.  They aren't set up to house clients because they have no place else to go.  The emergency room is not set up, nor should it have to be, to deal with people like this woman who present over and over and over and over and over.  I'm not sure what the answer is though.  Obviously we need some sort of a different system.  Personally, I think perhaps a lock smith might be a good assest to our emergency system.  I can't tell you how many people we house when they get locked out for the night.  Makes me double check my spare set of house keys everytime.  

Situational Reactions (ethics)

One of the convenient things about having the drunk tank located half a flight of stairs away from the shelter is that when clients are intoxicated and behaving badly it’s very easy to have police or downtown watch who are dropping someone else of put them in there.  For the most part they’re fine to do it and don’t ask a lot of questions, they simply trust us that they’re being disruptive and need some time to sober up.  The thing is, that we of course do not have all clients who are not following the rules thrown in the drunk tank, and I was thinking about how the situation really determines our course of action rather than a set policy.  Some people might even call this situational ethics...

The last person I had put in the drunk tank was not so much being loud as just unable to settle down.  They were up and down (and all around) and despite repeated warnings, had not laid down to go to sleep.  This person was just stupid drunk, not particularly violent or insulting, but I have to admit, they were just plain annoying.  Factors which led me to ask the police to put them in there:  It was a quiet night so the drunk tank was not anywhere near full, it was really cold out so I didn’t want to throw them out in the snow, they were keeping other people from sleeping, I thought it would be really good for them to have a chance to become fully sober before using again (see and that, is where my bias comes in, what I think).  Another shift manager in my same situation might have simply thrown the person out, or, being more patient then me might have just allowed them to continue and given them some more chances until they sobered up enough to calm down.  

So, what’s the right answer?  When does having the drunk tank give us inappropriate power?  As usual, I’m not sure there is an answer.  I truly believe it all comes down to the situation.  Other people might disagree with me, looking instead for a black and white answer, but I really don’t think there is a check list of things that mean someone gets kicked out, locked up, or allowed to sleep.  That’s where experience comes in, and I often don’t feel like I have enough of it to be left in charge.  

"holiday's" over

My holiday is almost over. I go back to work tomorrow night (or well, I guess it's tonight seeing as I'm writing this after midnight). I'm in the process of staying up late so that I can sleep all day. For some reason, it's working! Having five days off has been AMAZING! And just the right length too. I'm missing work. I'm missing being around my coworkers and I'm missing my clients as well. I also just miss being around people, but that's what happens when you're an extrovert.

My holiday however has been productive. I've managed to hang out with most of the people I wanted to hang out with, including all three members of my immediate family (and not even all at once). I had a good friend over to watch girly movies and eat pizza on new years eve, and bestest bud came over today to watch another movie and drink hot chocolate. I've gone to yoga, gone on a swing, had lots of starbucks, and cleaned my house (with the exception of my bedroom). I washed all the dishes and did most of the laundry. I snuggled with the sophie cat and read books I wanted to read. I hung out with roommate, who's back from grad school and went out for cofee with a girl from the church. To put it quickly. It's been fun. The one thing I miss is best friend, and I'm really hoping I'll get to fly across the country and visit her soon.

I'm actually rather proud of myself. I'm not good at holidays. I am always happy for about the first day. Sometimes not even that long, and then I start going CRAZY! One thing that really helped was having a car, because it gave me an easy way to go places in the cold, cold, snowy weather and enabled me to pick up people to hang out with. Another thing that helped was yoga, because it gave me a reason to get out of the house, it took up time, and it tired me out (and of course yoga just feels awesome anyway). I still had my moments where things just seemed impossible, but I got through it. I also think this is a sign that I'm more okay with being with myself then I would have been even at the start of the summer or when I first moved into my very own place. That makes me happy too.

In conclusion, it's back to the drunk tank tomorrow! Back to the death threats, back to the name calling, back to the fake requests for medical attention and the vomit. It's back to the shelter! Back to the fighting over mats, the secret mouthwash drinking, and the inevitable turnaways (it's the weekend after all, always more people looking for shelter on the weekends). But, it's back to the smiles, back to being able to do those little things that make a difference, back to being part of the solution, back to making those little prodding comments that encourage change. I love my job. I truly do.

what you do unto the least of these

There's a verse in the Bible which has been on my mind a lot lately. Jesus is telling a parable about the Kingdom of God and what things are going to be like in the end times. Jesus tells his followers, as recorded in the book of Matthew. In the story, the righteous are puzzled because Jesus thanks them for feeding him, clothing him, and taking care of him and they say they have never done this for him. He answers, "Truly I tell you, just as you did to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me".

I am so blessed to have a job in which I am able to provide things for people. I able to feed the hungry, give clothes to those who have none, shelter to those who are cold and give hope to those in pain. My job is awesome. The problem, of course, is that I cannot do this for everyone who needs it, or who wants it.

Saturday night I was shift manager which meant I had to spend the whole night in the shelter as well as answering phones and the window and such (no escaping to the drunk tank for me!) Thankfully I didn't have to kick anyone out, unfortunately I had to turn 20 people away at the door. That is the most people I have ever had to turn away in one night, and to say they were unhappy about it would be a HUGE understatement. I had to get the police to remove one of them because they were banging so hard on the window.

I found out that the shelter across the street was referring people to us even though I had told them already that we were full. I called and got lectured by them about how they don't accept intoxicated people so what else were they supposed to do (we accept people in any state of intoxication as long as they're not disruptive). I told them I didn't know, but they asked them to please stop sending us people we couldn't take. They called the police about a client, so then I had the police inside the shelter looking suspiciously at the empty mat of someone in the bathroom, so that they could put someone there the other shelter had kicked out. I had the hospital phoning getting upset when I couldn't take someone who was done in emergency - note, just because they use us as a mailing address does not mean there is a guaranteed mat for them, we are an emergency shelter.

I was able to get one person a ride home, and someone else a cab. Why would you want to sleep in a shelter if you have a home? In this case, they were too tired and drunk to want to walk there so thought they'd sleep it off on the province (we get some government funding for the shelter). So that's 2 out of 20, the police took the 1, and 2 others wound up in the drunk tank after they went back to the shelter who referred them to us and got annoying. So 5 out of 20. I have no idea what happened to the other 15.

We started taking turns turning people away, I couldn't take it anymore and neither could anyone else, because the same people kept coming back and just begging me to let them in, and I couldn't. We were already five over. And they screamed and pleaded as they stood outside shivering. Imagine being at the point where you have to beg and plead to come into a homeless shelter. If these aren't the least of these, I don't know who is.

Now rationally, I know that we have to set limits. I know that it would have been impossible for us to be 25 people over and that it would have created fights, chaos, and a standard we couldn't live up to in the future (people need to know that the full sign means full). I know that homelessness is a far larger systemic issue then I can tackle alone or quickly. I know that other people's housing crisis are not my crisis and I don't make them that no matter the guilt trips they use. I am not responsible for their shelter. They had plenty of time to look for a place to stay, it's been cold for months, 2AM is not the time to scream at me.

But then, as I stood in church singing Christmas carols it was like that verse was haunting me and I started cry. I really couldn't handle crying right then, so I bit my lips and quit the tears, but the verse was still there. "What you did for the least of these..." What did I do for the least of these? I turned them away to freeze in the snow. I shut the blinds so I didn't have to look them in the eye as they screamed at me and pounded on the window (this is a last resort for us, we really like to treat people as people, but once the screaming starts...) I told the least of these to go away, even though I used much nicer words.

I came home and cried. I think it's a good thing I have five days off.

overwhelmed - or something

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed these past few days. The enormity of the problems I see on a daily basis can be kind of consuming. For the most part, I'm quite good at maintaining a healthy distance, putting things in perspective and staying positive. This past week however there have been a few situations which have been hard and the mind numbing cold just doesn't help anything.

This week for the first time I found someone sleeping under a heating vent, by choice, not because they were passed out drunk. For some reason, this really touched me. When I asked them why they made that choice, they simply said they had no place to stay. Another person, in a doorway, refused even our offers of a blanket, let alone a warm place to stay. A man what I believe was an actual heart attack. I have a lot of people with chest pains, most of the time they beg for the ambulance. This man, clutching at his chest, gasping for breath, wanted no help at all (note, we called and he was taken to hospital). An unrousable man later told us he wished we had just let him die. And of course, the girls working the streets just keep getting younger and younger.

I am sick of fighting with the other shelters. The politics of homelessness are stupid and frustrating. I'm sick of watching my mouth and having my actions be dictated by our directive not to do anything to make the clients go to the media. Why, because they are, they're making good on their threats, and we can't afford the negative publicity. I'm sick of not being able to say what's really happening because we're not allowed to say negative things about the other shelters (although I do understand this). I'm sick of not having enough space for freezing people.

Working in the drunk tank is also difficult. Until you've done something like that, it's hard to explain. It's hard to explain the death threats, the law suit threats, and the constant insults. It's also hard to explain how it can break your heart to have to lock someone up and forceably hold them. On the flip side, it's also hard to explain what it's like to have to kick people out of a safe warm place because there are drunker people coming in.

Of course, my heart is not literally breaking, and for the most part I am able to put aside all this stuff and effectively do my job. I'm able to go about my everyday life and not think about this stuff. These past couple days though, it's just seemed a little much. Someone at church said I looked sad, and i just didn't know how to explain. There's just so much, so much I see, and sometimes it just gets to you, especially as my clients start to worry about Christmas. I'll go to work tonight, and I'll do my job with a smile, just like always. But inside, inside I'm a little sad tonight. Sad because a job like mine has to exist, and sad because its just seems like we're not doing enough. Sad because people are hurting, and there's only so much we can do to change that.

maybe I just need a good cry...

if you build it they will come

Every night we keep a record of everyone we have to turn away from the shelter. I'm a huge fan of this record, for me it serves a few purposes, but mainly, I just really appreciate the fact that the documentation records each and every person. The fact that there was 1 or 5 or 12 or 15 people that we were unable to give a warm place to sleep to. That each and everyone of them is real, and exists, and has a story. But I digress.

The thing of it is, we were averaging about 10 turn-aways each night during the beginning of the winter. This is not good, this number means that each night 10 people did not have a place to stay, because many of the people we were turning away were not our regulars, but rather people coming to us as a last resort (the people we should, as an emergency shelter, house, but again, I digress). So, seeing this trend, we tore out a wall, got ride of some storage and added 10 more mats to our shelter. This sounds awesome, right? Now we have a place for everyone!

Except, we don't. The thing of it is, we're still turning away somewhere around 10 people a night. Granted, it's gotten a little colder, but really, not much colder and the shelter is still filling up just as early. By adding more mats, we seem to have created more regulars. 10 more people are using the floor of our shelter as their home each night. It seems that if we build it, they will come.

My city has actually been surprisingly decent about adding shelter beds, although there are still not enough, but situations lie this make me wonder if there every will be. Even if we built 1000's of shelter beds, would there still be more homeless to house? Would there still be people for whom sleeping in a shelter is the safest most desirable option?

Makes you wonder, doesn't it.

false alarm

I think I've written about this before, but it happened once again. When people come into IPDA, they're supposed to be searched. This may seem rather trivial, but a bad search can lead to bad consequences, hangings, cutting, or fire. Yes, that's right, fire. See apparently, it's amusing to light one's toilet paper on fire when stuck in a small from for an unknown number of hours. Personally I can't imagine why one would do that. (Okay, so I totally can, I mean, I'd be going CRAZY, or using the time to catch up on some sleep, on the other hand though, starting something on fire when you have no access to water or say, a way OUT of the room, well, that doesn't show much common sense, of course that's why they're being held though...never piss off the cops).

So, rant aside, we have very sensitve smoke detectors. When people do things like light their toilet paper on fire they pretty much instantly go off. And being a shelter full of vulnerable people, this of course triggers a pretty giant fire alarm down at the main fire station as well as an alarm with the police. It's well, a big deal. Besides that, we have special systems in place to release all the detainees in the drunk tank, unless we put a certain key in a certain whole within 90 seconds, which means we only have 90 seconds to determine if it's a false alarm. Fortunately, we have a panel which tells us exactly where said alarm is coming from, but still. This time, and we're still not sure why, the doors all opened anyway. And one of our IPDA's escaped... I manged to run around and lock everyone else in though!

Then of course, we still have to deal with the fact a fire alarm bell is ringing throughout the entire rest of the building...loudly. So then you have to find a different key, in a different place, and open a different panel and press a button, to shut that thing up. And then you wait, and then the fire fighters come and have to inspect the scene for a fire. Then the wonderful fire fighters reset your fire alarm (in both places) and life carries on.

Except, in a shelter, with 70+ people sleeping, life doesn't just carry on. Because now instead of having 70 sleeping people you have at least 40 awake people who have been woken up rather harshly. And they want food, and drinks, and companionship and they get rowdy. And when asked to calm down, they seem to remind you that THEY WERE SLEEPING, and somehow the entire situation becomes your fault.

Yay. because really, it's always your fault.

or not.

passed out in the snow...

One of the things I do at work is go out in our van (with someone else) and drive around looking for people. We hand out condoms, safe rides home, and a watchful eye. People in our city know that we will treat difficult situations with compassion and so they call us, often before they call police or ambulance.

Last week a concerned taxi driver stopped by about a man passed out in a deserted area of town, lying on the road. So, our faithful van patrol headed out to the rescue.

We would have taken him back to the shelter to warm up and assess the situation, but we couldn't rouse him, thus, we had to call an ambulance, and there began our 20 minute wait in the wind, as we tried to keep ourselves, and of course the man, warm. I'll admit, I was SO not dressed for the weather, riding around in the nice warm van gives you a false sense of security I suppose. Then, after tearing apart the van (which I got in trouble for not tidying later) I discovered that we didn't have a single blanket. I covered the man's torso with my sweater and put my scarf under his face (which was freezing in the snow) and we waited, and waited, and waited, all the while trying to rouse the man who was eventually able to mumble his name and answer a few questions.

When the paramedics final arrived they were creeping down the street without even their flashing lights on. Drives me crazy, I'm waving at them to hurry up, and they're creeping. Then they're rude to us, and rude to the poor guy. Sigh. I don't care how many frozen people you've pulled out of the snow that day they each deserve the same respect.

when everyone else takes a sick day

Everyone but me called in sick the other night. I got to work only to discover that none of the other scheduled staff were coming in. I was not impressed. I did however know that there was a stomach virus going around, and I was actually sort of expecting it. This meant, that as the only regular staff around, I got to be the shift coordinator! It is SO not as exciting as it sounds.

I had two relief staff (one of whom was working a double) and the girl I was supposed to be training. I had to get her to actually work, because there was definitely no way we could train her with that few staff. We did it though. The clients in detox seemed to smell our new girls newness, and acted up a bit, but they settled down after lights out and things seemed to go okay from then in. IPDA was quiiiiet, which was SO good, and the shelter was full, so no intakes needed to be done; also good.

I have to admit, suddenly being in charge of the entire show was kind of nerve racking. I'm SO glad nothing happened. I'm sure I could deal with stuff, but it was really, really nice not to have to find out for sure. Being in charge means being responsible for over 100 people in various states of intoxication and ill health. The homeless are certainly not the world's most stable cohort. It means the buck stops with me. But am I ready for that? Put it this way, I could do this once in a while, but I definitely don't want to do it more often then that!

gong show

Sometimes, the only way I can get through my shifts is to have a mantra that goes like this "i love my job, i love my job, i love my job". And the truth is, I really do, it just has it's moments... take one of the days this weekend for example.

I have this girl coming out of the drunk tank who wants to talk to the mobile crisis team. When I phone, they don't want to talk to her, they don't have "time" (uhh, okay?), they were super rude to me. I wanted her to phone in the first place, but she chickened out, so I said I would make an introduction and hand her the phone. They kept me on the line not wanting to talk to her, talk about not empowering! Anyway, they finally talk to her, and they wind up arguing, and then she hands me back the phone. Apparently she has "attitude". Bah. I gave her so different resources, and bus fare.

While this is going on, ccf discovers a girl has hung herself in her drunk tank cell. Freakyness. I have never seen a hanging, and frankly, I never want to again. We're still not sure exactly how she got the string, but in anycase, we cut her down and saved her and she was consious before the paramedics got there. Just another day in the life of the drunk tank, because back I am with girl calling crisis services, and opening the doors for firefighters, paramedics, medical supervisors, police etc... answering questions for the police, doing intakes and discharges, and oh, somehow, ccf and the guy with the knife decided I should do all the documentation cause I have the "nicest penmanship" (I do, but still...).

Fast forward a couple hours, two of my coworkers are sick and throwing up, but can't go home because we're so short staffed and they feel "guilty". Ccf is in one of his silent moods and not communicating well with others; me included. We discharge someone from the drunk tank who is on our permanent barred list (or to be pc, his "service has been suspended"). He almost takes a swing at my supervisor, and we have to seal IPDA to protect me while I discharge him. It takes me 20 minutes. Why? Because he decides I'm a sweatheart and starts to tell me about his deep emotional pain.

Another couple hours. I walk past doing a life check and find a guy talking on a cell phone inside an IPDA cell. Uhhhh they're supposed to be searched! And what's he saying? "Yes, I do need an ambulance, yes, and ambulance". I yell for my supervisor, who throws open his door and starts yelling, "don't send one, he's in the drunk tank and fine!" She yells at him to give up the phone, and eventually he does. He throws it accross the floor and yells, get this, "you might not want to touch that, it's been up my ass". sigh. ass phone. So then, i have to call and cancel his ambulance and get the police to come re-search him. Oh, and convince the ambulance people that, you know, he's FINE!

and that's one day...

wait till I tell you all about last night when everyone but me called in sick!

sleepy day off

This is not my cat. However, my cat also does not come with a snooze button; she is getting better though. It used to be when my alarm when off, the Sophie cat was right up on top of me, headbutting me and making sure I got out of bed. It was annoying, but also very useful, given my sleep habits.

Speaking of sleep, I'm still getting too much of it... or not enough of it, or just having a really screwed up body working the night shift I guess. This is my "weekend" right now, and somehow, and I'm really not sure how, I managed to sleep all night. That was not a good plan (well, it wasn't a plan at all really). I mean, I slept for more then 8 hours straight, which is something I didn't even know I was capable of doing. Woke up at 7AM this morning, still planning on going to 6AM yoga. Needless to say, that didn't happen.

My ceiling in my bedroom has been leaking (there was a guy up on the roof trying to fix it today actually) and so I've been sleeping on the futon in the living room. I think I've actually been getting better sleep out here despite the fact that it has an uncomfortable metal frame. Me thinks it's time for a new mattress... unfortunately I just randomly bought a new computer, so that's not really in my budget right now.

And so that's me. I'm doing okay right now. Things with the enforcer have sort of calmed down. ccf got in a big fight with him this week, which was kind of freaky, but he's laid off me for the time being. I'm a little upset that he thinks I have some sort of evil plan, but whatever, at least we're being civil to each other. I will never be liked by everyone.

Sophie cat has to go for a weigh in today. She does not know this yet. If she did, she would be hidden so well I could not find her. I think today I am simply going to pick her up and drop her in an upended cage. It may be the only way to get her in. I'll apologize later and give her a whole can of wet food for dinner or something. She's sleeping at my feet right now, looking all innocent, but let me tell you, when she sees that cage, it will be a different story!

SNOW!

Well, it snowed here a while back and while most people are trying to dig themselves out, the homeless are trying to find a place to dig in for the winter. The first night was horrible, it was practically a blizzard. I had to psych myself up in the car before I went in for all the people I knew I would wind up turning away. Now matter how good your boundaries are, how do you not feel for the people sleeping under a blanket on the steps while the wind howls and the snow blows.

People seem to have gotten used to things though. One of my supervisors likes to remind me that these people have lived through many many winters, and this one isn't any more likely to kill them then any other. He's trying to reassure me, but still, I really wish there was enough shelter space. The only problem is, (and of course there are various schools of thought on this) that as soon as you build more shelter space it's full, so where exactly are people coming from?

In any case, I really feel that as a society in a very affluent country we should be able to provide a warm place to sleep for everyone. While I realize it is very difficult to house everyone (a lot of people don't want housing for starters) in the winter months, there should be somewhere, at least a place where people can come in and warm up for a while. People complain about the homeless on the streets but do not want to spend the money to make inside spaces possible. bah.

j

the usual

I've been trying to think of a good post, and a few are in the works, but nothing has stood out as really amazing. I wanted to write something though. So you get this.

I find it amazing that my job can be boring. I see different people and encounter different situations every single day (night). And yet, at this point things seem to have fallen into a pattern. It's nice really. It's good not to have crazy situations everyday. And yet when I think about it, the crazy stuff is still happening, it's just not, well, as crazy seeming. I think this is good, but also kind of sad, because it means the novelty has sort of worn off. I don't want to become complacent...

Sad moment of the morning though. I was searching a client prior to entry to the building because someone informed us she was carrying a weapon (they later admitted to making it up) and I felt her baby bump. She's five months pregnant, and living on the streets. If she and her boyfriend don't find a place, the baby will be apprehended at birth. We do not have shelter children. I referred her to our transition team, and hopefully someone can help them out with housing and welfare and stuff, but wow, the pressure of all that, and being pregnant and sleeping on a shelter mat. That really, really sucks. We don't even have beds. Did a couple other referrals, but they seem to like staying here, although I really don't know why. And while I don't like to assume the worst, who knows what substances she's been using while pregnant, it's just an all over crappy situation.

sometimes we get what we want (and realize we're not sure we want it)

So after a lot of heart searching a consulting with a couple colleagues I trust, I decided I would talk to my boss about what happened, and what's been going with, the enforcer. It was hard, harder then I thought it would be. I discovered there's a blank space in my memory of the event, which kind of freaks me out. I don't remember how it ended. I remember being in the corner being yelled at, and I remember being on the phone, getting ready to pick up donations. I don't remember getting up, or the argument stopping.

Anyway, my boss says we have to all get together and talk. Which is of course, what I expected. However, now that it's happening, I'm less then enthused. It doesn't help that I'm hearing from other staff that they've tried to deal with the enforcer and nothing has changed. All that will happen is my boss is going to try and make him listen to my side of things, and then make me listen to his. And I need to of course try and get through this without crying.

My boss basically said well, this is what the enforcer is like. Well, you know what, that doesn't make it right! I don't care if it's him being him. That's like when I got told "boys will be boys" when I was being bullied in middle school. The bullies aren't supposed to win. You know what it is though, is seniority with the union, management can't touch him unless they have an incredibly good reason. And if anything happens, it's going to be me who winds up having to change shifts, something I don't want to have to do.

I think the worst part of this is, we're not going to meet until next Tuesday morning (because of the weekend and the fact that the enforcer and I have only 3 days on together not 5 (I work his days off and he works mine). But, my boss is phoning him today to give him notice for the meeting. That means i have minimum three shifts (probably four) during which I have to work with him, knowing we have to do this later.

I'm going to be honest right now, I mean if I can't be honest in my blog, where can I be honest, and say that this is really upsetting me. And honestly, I'm upset and embarrassed that it's getting to me. I'm crying more, about other things too, I'm grumpy and cranky, I'm tired all the time, and going to work just isn't good anymore when I know he's going to be there. I have to deal with this one way or another, and I'm glad I spoke up, but wow, I feel like total crap. I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of feeling like crap. I thought once all the changes in my life were done things would level off for me, but then this happens and things seem to get even worse. I will get through this, but what will it cost me verses what will I gain!?

office politics

I find that picture incredibly amusing, although I'm not sure it completely relates to what I want to write about.

My favourite supervisor is leaving the night shift. My awesome, yet very old and very in need of moving to days supervisor, is moving to days. It is a very good thing, for him, and for the day shift. For me however, it sucks, because the enforcer is likely going to be in charge five nights a week from now on. This does not exactly make me "happy". In fact, it scares me, but I'm trying to go into things with an open mind. If I expect it to be bad, it will be bad, so I'm going to try and make the best of it. I may eventually have to sit down and try to talk things out with him though. The guy's been at the shelter longer then I've been alive though, so he is "always right".

There are so many politics at play in my workplace. For example, the job I wanted, the social work position? The manager of that department also applied, she wants to work directly with clients again. Of course she got it, I had no chance. My union pointed out to me that I can file a grievence because as management she wasn't in the union and I was... as if I'm going to do that. I might get the job, but the whole place would hate me. And then there's the whole senority thing. It really doesn't matter how good a person is at anything, it's all about seniority. From what I can see, all the union does is make things confusing. But, I don't know enough about unions to make a lot of comments about ours.

I need to eat something, and get ready for work. I'm fairly sure the enforcer is off tonight, so I'm feeling like tonight is going to be great. In fact, no matter what, I am going to have a great night, and then go to yoga in the morning. And when I come home, the newest Grey's Anatomy (my guilty girly pleasure) had better be ready for download... i'm waiting, and waiting, and waiting... sigh.

Drunk Tank Ethics

Mr. nice guy and the enforcer got in an argument a few nights ago. It's a common discussion, but things got pretty heated with both of them saying that management was on their "side". I've never heard mr. nice guy be so outspoken about something, but I was very glad he was. Here is the basic scenario.

When someone comes into the drunk tank we hold them between 4 and 24 hours, it's at our discretion of when they are safe for release into the community again. Between midnight and six in the morning, clients have to sign an extra form saying they are aware of the risk of leaving in the middle of the night in a bad part of town, and that they want to go anyway. Here's where things get complicated. What happens when someone doesn't want to go? What if we know that they have absolutely no place to go, the shelter's full, and the weather is horrible. What if IPDA is full, and we have police outside waiting. What do we do with these people?

This particular night, the shelter was full, but the drunk tank wasn't. There were people who'd been there quite a while, but they were people who had no place to go, and it was POURING rain. The enforcer tried to make mr. nice guy kick them out, and he wouldn't. He said, "they don't want to go, they have no place to go". The enforcer said, they've been here 8 hours, they're sober, they get a phone call, and the buses are still running. Mr. nice guy said, these people have no money, no one to phone, no where to go. The enforcer said, that's their problem. What happens if we fill up and have a back log.

See, the drunk tank is funded by the city, not our organization. So, us shelter sober people, just cause we know they have no place to go is kind of, well, cheating, especially if the police have someone possibly dangerous or extremely disruptive that they need to bring in. The enforcer is worried that we will get a back log of 5 or more cars, and that the police supervisor will be calling and complaining, and since he's in charge, the buck stops with him. He says he's discussed this with management.

Mr. nice guy says that we cannot release people who don't want to go, and then get them to sign a form that says they do. It's unethical. And, how do we release people to, well, nothing. The thing is, he's also working with situational ethics here, because if we were full, he would do the releases. But because we weren't, he was arguing his point. However, we can also argue, that if we were full in the drunk tank we would try to squish people into the shelter wherever we could find room. The enforcer is very black and white. He doesn't do situational ethics, at all, it's the principle of the situation. Mr nice guy has plenty of shades of grey and is able to adapt his practice to the situation, but should he?

I have to admit, I'm strongly on mr. nice guy's side, but of course, I'm biased in that I'm having issues with the enforcer. However, I've always been of the same position as mr. nice guy. It's an interesting issue, one that I hope management will continue to discuss.

bad bad day

I had a bad day at work last night. There's no other way to describe it. Yuck. Part of it is that I'm really stressed about packing, cleaning and moving, but part of it is just that last night sucked. I went into it with a really good attitude, but alas... it sucked all the same.

The drunk tank was a gong show. It just never slowed down all evening. At one point we had seven police cars waiting outside. Seriously. Don't they have anything better to do then pick up drunk people?

But the thing I found hardest was a woman who was going through a psychotic episode. Situations had lead to her going off her meds, and here she was, drunk and delusional. She was just freaking out, and my supervisor would NOT let me go into her cell to calm her down and it pissed me off. I was eventually able to calm her down through the window, but seriously. I mean, the poor woman was lying on cement crying and shaking, she's wasn't violent. But, I know he's just trying to protect me.

We called an ambulance, because we couldn't release her to herself in that state, and she'd been there a LONG time. Because it's a mental health crisis though, it's not an "emergency" apparently. We'll, I'm sorry. She was far more in need of intervention then many of the people I call the ambulance for who have physical complaints. This woman was seriously, seriously freaked out and desperately needed help. Bah. It took 40 minutes at least for an ambulance to arrive. I mean, I call for a possibly broken ankle and it comes with sirens blaring (read: not an emergency), and yet for this, they just slowly drive up.

We were also short staffed. TWO people called in. Thankfully a couple people but in a little over time, but we were still short. We'll be short again tonight. I am NOT impressed.

So much more happened, but nothing all that exciting. I just feel very...beaten down. Most of the time I find with my job, but tonight just really wore at me. A lot. sigh.

happy birthday to me :)

It's my birthday tomorrow, and best friend, with assistance from bestest bud, planned a surprise party for me in between street ministry and work. I have never had a surprise party before, and I was VERY surprised! Best friend was convinced I'd figured it out, and while she and some others were VERY weird at street ministry I was totally clueless. All I cared about was opening the giant box best friend left in my trunk. It had bright exciting wrapping paper! The box turned out to be dishes for my new place, I like them quite a lot. Of course it helps that we were window shopping together when I found them.

Street Ministry was fun. There was this super cute happy baby there. I love babies. It's one thing I miss about my first practicum. I don't really want to work with kids, but I love the babies! Especially the ones I can give back when they're freaking out!

Work was good too. Although it was sad leaving all my friends to party without me at my own party! Oh well, such is life. My schedule for the next three weeks looks good. I have full time hours and although they're spread between evenings and nights, it's all good. They rotate the proper way, and I really did want to get the hours. While I am purging, there are some things I need for my new apartment(toaster, coffee maker, vacum, pots and pans, ironing board, blender) and I'd like to be able to afford them! Once I'm settled going down to four shifts a week (or even 3.5 as in 3 one week, 4 the next) would be fine, but right now, I'll take the full time. And besides, what else to I have to do (let us not speak of my job at the church).

Lazy Sunday

I'm having an awesome lazy Sunday. Or well, I suppose it's not so much lazy as just very pressure free. I don't work tonight, so I have no agenda - well, i want to stay up late, but that's not the point...

Church went really well this morning. I still wasn't convinced my sermon was all there, but it was definitely better then last week. It also felt a lot better only working 8 hours before church as opposed to 16.

Tonight, when I'm trying to stay up all night even though I'm not at work, I'm going to work on packing, but for now, I'm relaxing. I had a good nap this afternoon, not waking up till roommate got home from work. I'll probably go back to sleep for a while in a couple hours... we'll see. I still have to work on figuring out this whole staying awake all night when not working thing. Cause I really feel like I'll need to do that. Not sure how I can maintain a schedule if I don't.

Work was not exciting yesterday. There was nothing wrong with it, just nothing out of the ordinary. Had another experience where I released people from IPDA who seemed totally sober and nice and then were jerks when they got out. Also had a woman trying to make love to her cell door...

money on the streets

I'm on permanent nights now. It's awesome. I'm really rather pleased with the entire situation. I like the clients, the staff, the time, the work. Yay!

Last night was a normal CRAZY night in the life of IPDA. Intoxicated Person must be Detained under the Act far more often on weekends, after payday, when welfare cheques have come out! At one point I had five, count them, five police cars lined up outside the building. I was SO not impressed. It was beyond annoying. But, I got through it. My supervisor did all my paper work, which just made everything go better, and I concentrated on doing the actual intakes and discharges so we never had to shut down for more then 20 minutes. One of my coworkers helped with the cleaning and checks, and yeah, it went really well. My philosophy is sort of like this. I can't work any faster then I can work, and the only thing that will sober people up is time, so sometimes, the police are just going to have to WAIT. I made some of them popcorn. That seemed to help.

This was again raises the question for me though. Why do I love my job?