Spring is Here!

Yesterday I did 108 Sun Salutations. Spring is here!

It’s not the first time I’ve done 108 Sun Salutations, 108 Vinyasas or 108 prostrations, but it was the first time I haven’t counted. Yesterday I let go, and had faith in my teacher to do the counting for me. I tried to breathe through each salute as if it was the first, or the last, and let go of my need for control. It sort of worked.

Doing 108 Sun Salutations is as much an exercise of the mind as it is of your physical body and your breath, and boy did my mind try to play games with me. In the past I’ve done them in sets of 12, so you know that there are nine sets and you get a break after every 12. Yesterday, I just breathed. Without my glasses on, I counted even see the 108 flowers on the mirror, one of which was taken down after each flow, no way of knowing how far I’d come, or how far I had to go.

It’s interesting to observe where my mind goes, when my body is pushed, there’s sweat pouring from me, and I’m in a room with forty two other dripping people. I thought about work, I thought about my past, I thought about my future, I let the thoughts come, and I let the thoughts go, trying to come back to my breath, and only my breath.

There was also a constant battle going on between my mind and my body, as I worked to find the balance between pushing myself, and killing myself. After five years of yoga I usually know the difference. 

It started with my feet, they hurt, they felt crampy, “maybe you should just take a break”, said a part of my mind. Then it was my calves, and my hamstrings, aching, and a part of my mind saying “maybe you should just give up”. Other parts of my mind fought back, I knew I could do this, I’d done it before, I deepened my breath, deepened my resolve, and my teacher put on the Spice Girls. Definitely not the most reverent or bliss inducing choice, but the absolute perfect thing to give me the energy to keep going.

I danced my way through the next three songs.

Then it got hotter, or it felt like it was. I began to modify my Sun Salutations, proud of myself for getting through so many, as I’ve always modified all of them in the past.

My body is amazing.

I started to shiver despite how hot I was, and started wondering if this was a symptom of heat stroke, even though I know it isn’t, and besides, I was still dripping away. And all of a sudden in amongst the aches, the shivers, the sweat, and the back and forth in my mind, we were down to our last 12. Deep breaths. Jump Backs. Counting out loud. Rihanna. Gaga.

It was over.

I lay in savasana and decided not to move. I was overwhelmed with the heat, and the physical effort and the emotional battle. But, there was a smile on my face, and there is now as I write this. We do this all so that we can come back to savasana. How amazing does savasana feel after a practice like this.

The final mind battle was the urge to flee from the room. In the wise part of my mind I know that the longer the savasana the better, after all that exertion and all that breathing. Other parts of me though just wanted out, to be cool, to have salt, to have sugar, to have anything that wasn’t savasana in a hot room. And I breathed, and I waited, until  I slowly left the room and joined some of my Sangha as we sat and shared our joy.

Things that keep me sane right now

I can't remember the last time that I didn't have something to do. I would guess that it was the summer between grade 10 and grade 11, about eleven years ago. Even then, I babysat more days than I didn't, and worked at gymnastics camp, so if we're really looking back, the last time I had this long a break would have to be when I was about twelve.

It's been two whole weeks of unemployment. It's definitely a BIG change for me.

I started school when I was five, I did the normal kindergarten to grade 12. I worked the summer between grade 12 and university, and for the next four years I worked/took classes/went to practicum and worked over the summer. I started my first "real" job the day after my graduation. Each time I've switched jobs I've taken less than a week to make the transition. Now, I'm finally having a real and true break. It's weird.

The first week was kind of nice, I babysat a couple of times, had a couple of appointments, kept myself busy. Last week was a little harder, but for the most part, I found a daily activity, something to get me out of the house, this upcoming week, who knows. But, there are some things keeping me sane, and so, in typical me fashion, I close this post with, a list.

Things that keep me sane right now:
- setting my alarm clock
- having a reason to get up each day (without one, I just don't get up)
- the alarm clock on my coffee maker
- daily yoga practice
- the gym
- my friends
- getting out EVERY day
- planning ahead, so there's always something to fill my time
- being nice to myself
- taking things slow
- daily job search
- eating
- sleeping at night

and I'm sure many other things, but that's it for now!

Things I've Learned

Today I got the clients to do an exercise for the last day of group in which they had to think of ten things they'd learned. Either things about employment, or coping skills, or job searching, or themselves, and so I figured that while they were working on it, I'd try and come up with ten things I'd learned in the past four weeks as well. I came up with 14 and thought I'd share them.

1. I am an adult... for real (I think I learn this one at least once a month though)

2. B12 shots rock my world

3. I don't want fixing, I want support (again, I learn this one a lot)

4. Half moon pose needs to be done from my finger tips

5. How to do a proper headstand the "yoga way"

6. How to stake peas and beans

7. It might not happen even when it feels right

8. Don't drink drinks made by a certain friend

9. How to be a better "mark" in ultimate frisbee

10. Gluten free buns are kind of gross (but they're buns I can eat so I eat them anyway)

11. Your SIN card no longer counts as ID for criminal record checks

12. Republic of Doyle is a great Canadian show

13. Cats at the office are good, transporting said cats to/from the office is not

14. Sophie Cat is a good judge of character (or at least dislikes the same people I do).

Detox Day 12

Today is Day 12 of my detox. That means only three days left after today! Starting Tuesday morning I get to slowly start adding foods back in and readjusting my body to a wide range of foods. 4 more yoga classes and I'm taking a day off from going to the studio. I will likely do something at home, but definitely not heading to the hot room. It's wonderful and lovely, but it'll be nice to have a break.

Yesterday was a not great day. I've been really tired throughout this and yesterday just seemed like a very grumpy day. I was not in the mood to head to the yoga studio, but off I went. I was somewhat dreading my flow class, but felt like once I was in the room I would feel better, and I did, and then our teacher started talking about Agni Namaskar - a salute to the Hindu fire God, 108 prostrations (push-ups) in one yoga class. And so that's what we did. I've done it before, and I'll probably do it again at some point, but wow, that's a lot of push-ups, and it didn't exactly help my bad mood.

I looked back though, and I realized that this is the point in the 30 day challenge I did during which I started to have a really hard time and get really emotional. If experience is my guide, then I know that once I get through the next couple of days, things will be better. We'll see how it goes though, right now I'm feeling pretty much totally exhausted.

Detox Day Nine

I am more than halfway done my detox, thank goodness. The first week was rough, and at times I REALLY felt like quiting. It's never good when I start falling asleep during counselling sessions. I feel horrible because I actually cut one short simply because I could not keep my eyes open and I thought it would be better if we had a short session rather than me fall asleep. I don't know if it was from caffeine withdrawal, lack of gluten, or just overall exhaustion from all the yoga, but it was pretty rough. This week I started with a B12 shot at the naturopath though, so hopefully that makes a difference as well.

Looking at this week, things seem to be going pretty well. I did a good grocery shop (complete with a grocery list!) on Saturday, so that I had the food I would need for the week. On Sunday afternoon I sat down and cut up a whole bunch of vegetables so it would be easy to put them into things - I also boiled some beets so they would be ready to eat. After yoga Sunday night I cooked a big pot of lemon/chili soup with lentils, brown rice and a whole bunch of vegetables. Despite the fact that lentils are NOT my favourite food, it's actually pretty good.

In terms of yoga, I did a restorative practice on Sunday, and yesterday's flow class felt AMAZING. I really feel as though I do have more energy and that my body has gotten stronger, which I find pretty wonderful. When I did my 30 day challenge I was having to modify a lot because my ankle was still quite injured and my elbow was bothering me. This time my body seems fairly free of aches and pains. In fact, I find myself pushing myself fairly hard in yoga and not having the sore muscles the next day I might have in the past. Now this could be because I'm in better shape, or, as I suspect, it might have something to do with the difference in my eating. It will be interesting to see as I add foods back in what kind of a difference things make.

Speaking on adding foods back in, Tuesday I get to add my first food back in and I have yet to decide what it will be. Most people expect me to pick coffee as number one, but I'm not sure. While I really like coffee and I miss it, it might be good to be coffee free for a while. It's certainly cheaper and it makes life easier not having to think about fitting coffee into my life. Gluten will be nice to add back in as well, but finding gluten that doesn't contain eggs, milk etc... will make it harder. I'll add dairy back in as well, but I know you have to do that slowly or it can really upset your stomach. SO, I'm thinking the first thing I add back will be tomatoes!!! I really, really, miss tomatoes. I can't wait to have tomato sauce, tomatoes, salsa etc...

Yoga Detox Challenge

Monday, I began a new challenge. I thought it would be a fairly simple challenge. 15 days of being a vegan, 15 days of hot yoga; at the same time of course. However, it turns out to be a full naturopathic liver detox. That looks basically like this...

I CAN eat Beans of all types. I CAN'T eat meat, eggs, fish, soy

I CAN eat Brown Rice, Brown Rice Pasta, Quinoa etc... I CAN'T eat Wheat, Rye, Barley, Oats, Spelt, Kamut, White or Whole Wheat Flour

I CAN eat Most Vegetables. I CAN'T eat tomatoes, eggplant, white potatoes, corn, mushrooms

I CAN eat Most Fruits. I CAN'T eat oranges, bananas, melons, dried fruit, fruit juices

I CAN eat Most Nuts and Nut butters. I CAN'T eat peanuts, corn oil, canola oil, vegetable oil, butter, margarine

I CAN eat Rice milk, Almond Milk, Herbal Tea, Green and White and Red tea, seat salt, herbs and spices. I CAN'T eat Alcohol, Coffee, Sugar, Vinegar, Dairy, MSG, Preservatives, Sulphates

In other words, it's crazy intense. So far the hardest thing has been that I can't have gluten. Well, and the intense caffeine withdrawal. More then one person in chemical withdrawal has told me that coming off coffee is harder than coming off cocaine. It definitely was not easy, especially because unlike someone in a detox unit, I went to work and couldn't sleep through the pain. My head hurt, I was sweating, confused, and just plain unable to concentrate. Yoga felt kind of like death. I spent the last 30 minutes just lying on the ground feeling like I was going to pass out.

Another thing about this detox is that I have to actually cook. They don't make processed foods without all that stuff in them. This created a lot of anxiety for me, not so much around the actual cooking, but around finding the time to actually cook. That and some of the money I had to spend on buying better food. I'm sure it'll all pay off, it's just slightly frustrating in the here and now.

Oh, and there's the emotions. It seems to kind of be creating an emotional out pouring which I'm not so used to. I'm sure it's good, but it's hard.

So detox, so far, so good?

Well, it's the end of day 21 now...

I'm not sure what to write. Things just keep going. I've done 21 out of 30 days now, which is wonderful. My elbow hurts, my thumb hurts and my ankle hurts, but I'm seeing the phsyiotherapist on Wednesday so we'll see what she says. We brainstormed about my elbow already and somehow I managed to fix one side but not the other... random.

I've had at least one more day of tearful yoga, but yesterday and today were both nice and calm. I'm skipping all sun salutations and vinyasa flows to give my elbow a break, and I think that might actually be why. Less heart opening for starters. Yoga has felt very good the past two days. I've been doing the Moksha series, as opposed to Hot Flow which is different every time, and it's nice to fall into familiar patterns and know what's coming next. If I could drag myself out of bed at 6AM I'd love to go to the Silent class on Tuesday and be able to really sink into things. It's just not happening though.

So yoga = good. My body = sore. Life = well, life?

Day 12, 13, 14

Remember how on Day 11 I wound up in tears by the end of yoga class? Day 12 I had to stop myself from giggling, which was super nice, and a totally different reaction to a totally different kind of yoga. I went with a friend and we went out for dinner and talked afterwards. Wonderfulness :)

Day 13, yoga in the park. 600+ people all doing yoga, as a fundraiser, outside in the sunshine. I loved the feeling of yoga in the grass, lying in savasana with my whole body truly sinking into the ground. More wonderfulness.

Day 14. That's today. Today I did two classes, a more intense one and a very restorative one. I'm fairly sure I'll be sore tomorrow, but you never know. It felt good to spend that time in the hot room. To just breathe. (And work my butt off) But especially to just breathe. Even more wonderfulness.

Day 11 - Cultivating Peace

By the end of yoga today I was crying. Not because of physical pain, although both my ankle and my elbow were hurting, and not because I was particularly exhausted, but just because I was crying. I'm not sure what triggered exactly, perhaps simply that my body doesn't always move the way I'd like it to, but I really think it was more than that. There's a lot of stress in my life right now, and stress tends to come out in our bodies. I don't know if yoga released some of that, or brought it to the surface or what, but there was something going on there. Tomorrow I'm doing some nice, basic, hatha yoga. Stretching in the hot room, but not Sun Salutations, no Flows and no rushing.

I sent this as an email update to friends, so perhaps I'll add it here as well.

I know I haven't been the most talkative this week, but I wanted to update you all on what's going on (for some of you you're jumping in in the middle here because I've been bad with updates, but here's what's going on).

My grandma (my father's mother) has pneumonia. As I last heard she is still conscious and eating (as long as it's pureed, she is no longer able to chew or to swallow hard foods) and is taking antibiotics. She is on oxygen and she is not expected to be able to beat the pneumonia and has been moved to palliative care.

My father is going out to see my grandma (across the country) and say goodbye. I am driving him to the airport tomorrow morning. Although he initially wanted me to come, we decided it would be better if I stayed here to look after my mother and came out for her funeral, either this trip, or a trip in the future. He is planning on returning on Wednesday.

We found out on Tuesday that my mother's chemotherapy did not work and her tumor has grown. The tumor coats many of the major organs in her abdomen including her intestines, lungs, and liver. They have decided to try my mother on a different kind of chemotherapy, however there are potentially lethal side effects associated with it and she has to be very careful. At this point the chemotherapy is simple to extend her life, there is no hope of a cure.

In addition to the cancer my mother has developed a blood clot in her leg which runs from her groin down into her calf. She was on injectable blood thinners at the hospital all last week but seems to have been stabilized on warfarin for now. I am taking her to the hospital tomorrow where they will check her levels and do care of the pic line she has in her arm for chemo.

In summary, at this point, I'm staying in the city and my father's going away. But, I'm also back to that uncertain place of not knowing when I might be flying across the country.

Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers. In particular my father who is leaving his very sick wife to say goodbye to his dying mother. Please also pray for my mother as she will spending a lot of time on her own in the upcoming days. And of course please pray for my sister has she is placed into the role of primary house keeper. And me, as I try and make sure that everything comes together, is taken care of, and everyones needs are met.

Day 10

My.body.hurts. I'm not sure what it is about today, but my body hurts. A lot. Maybe it's the fact that I did a 90 minute class today as opposed to my usual 60, but I'm definitely rather sore. Then again, my body hurt somewhat before yoga as well...so I suppose it's probably cumulative.

I don't have any amazing reflections about patience or learning today. Mostly, I'm just at a point where I need to push through. Maybe I'll be deeper tomorrow. So instead, here's pictures of my cats.

Day 9

Today was the hardest day of the challenge yet for me. It was seriously hard to motivate myself to get to yoga. I felt horrible today, emotionally as well as somewhat physically, and I left work early cause I didn't feel like bursting into tears at my desk. I came home, climbed into bed, and fell asleep. Then of course I had to get up for yoga. Which really was a good thing, because it meant I couldn't completely screw up my sleep schedule.

At yoga, there was a new teacher, which is fine, if we hadn't also had 3 new staff start at work (two today, one last Wednesday). I can only deal with so much change and I feel like my life is in a state of constant flux. I had a bit of a hard time letting go of the teaching/teacher and sinking into my yoga. She did things a bit differently, and it just, wasn't working for me... or something. I dunno.

So, things I learned today: Sometimes it's okay to just give up, go home and take a nap. It really was what I needed. I really did need to not be at work for a while (despite just coming off a long weekend). Not knowing if I'm flying half way across the country to go see my grandma, is kind of getting to me. And mom's chemo isn't working...which I'd already guessed, but still.

Day 7 and 8

I've now passed the one week mark on my 30 day journey and have spent more than 7 hours in hot room this week. Naturally, it's summer and rather hot outside, making me question why on earth I didn't choose to do this in the winter.

The first week has been great. It's been hard to fit the yoga in everyday and I often find my thoughts wandering to what I have on my mental to do list, what I'm going to have for dinner, or where I'm supposed to be next. Instead of getting angry with myself, I'm trying to let those things go and concentrate on breathing in the moment. Just paying attention to that moment, to that place and to the calmness of the yoga room; whatever's outside the room has to wait. In that hour I practice freeing myself from the stresses of life, the realities of my family dynamics and the frustrations of my job and concentrate only on my breathing and my body. The mental benefits are great.

In terms of physical benefits, I'm not so sure. It has only been a week. I'm doing this at the same time as physio and between the two I have days on which I'm pretty sore. That being said, I've been able to jump back into my practice at a place similar to where I left it before July 1st without too many negative consequences. While I'm still modifying/skipping some poses, for the most part, I'm right where I want to be. I've even noticed a bit of an increased range of motion in my ankle, despite the fact that I still can't kneel or sit cross legged.

All in all so far this has been a great experience. We'll see how the next 3 weeks go though, I've got lots going on so it'll be interesting to try and fit everything in.

Day 5 and 6

Day five and six get only one post because I was waaaaaaaaaaaay too tired last night to write anything coherent.

Yesterday was crazy. I had to get up an hour early to drive to the cat to the vet for his teeth cleaning. Then work, then physio (which was seriously a killer) and then back to the vet and then home with the cat, then yoga. I did have a smoothie in between physio and the vet thank goodness. My physiotherapist has me doing all these squats and lunches and this morning my butt is SO sore!

After yoga I stopped off at the grocery store and picked up a chicken and a salad as well as a couple other things and came home for what I thought was going to be a relaxing evening. It wasn't. Instead, before I'd even gotten into the shower my dad phoned to let me know that my grandmother has been made palliative and is going to die very soon...four provinces away. This of course throws my family into crisis since with mom so sick...

Today was a hard day for yoga. It was hard to get up, hard to get motivated and hard to stay motivated. It's almost as hot outside as it is in the hot room. However, I did it, and now I'm off to work at the shelter this evening. Perhaps more reflections will come later.

Day 4

It's day four, and I'm sore. Not horribly sore, but it's also not morning yet and I've done 3 hot flow classes in a row. Perhaps I'll take in a hatha class tomorrow, we shall see.

My first victory of the day was seeing how despite my ankle, my arm strength has really improved and I was able to hold crow pose (in the picture) for at least 5 seconds before I fell over. This is huge for me, because if you'd asked me two months ago if a 200+ lb girl would ever be able to hold an arm balance I probably would have said no. Yoga has been going well, despite the challenges I'm having fitting it into my day.

My other victory of the day was being able to tell my counsellor that since going back to yoga my mental health has been WAY better. I mean, I totally still have my moments (today I cried because I realized my mom would never knit my baby mittens) but things are going way better. She suggested that we not meet for a while, since I only get 12 sessions a year with her, and that I work on maintaining things on my own, using yoga for my healthy coping. So we'll see how it goes.

Day 3

Warrior pose. Today I am a warrior. Yesterday we found out that mom has a blood clot in her leg. It runs from her groin all the way to her calf and has slowly been growing. This is obviously not a good thing, and rather concerning. Mom's now receiving injectable blood thinners at the hospital everyday and taking Warfarin in the evenings. Chemo is bumped another week back. I have many thoughts about the chemo, but not today.

Today was a good yoga day. Much as there was some anxiety about fitting everything in and having to miss Wednesday church so that I could both do yoga AND work late (I've been missing a lot of time for physio) yoga went super well. I really surprised myself with my endurance and with the strength in my ankle. I mean, it's certainly not perfect, and the range of motion isn't there, but in terms of strength, not so bad.

What I learned today is patience. Patience with my body. Patience to say it's okay to do modifications on all my sun salutations because I just don't have the range of motion in my ankle to do an upward dog with both feet on the ground. Patience to know that I can't do a "proper" child's pose because I can't put that kind of weight on it. So, today I am a not just a warrior, I am a patient warrior.

Challenge Day Two

I chose tree pose to start this off with because of the rooting tree pose provides. It's a balancing pose, so it's certainly not a strength of mine right now, but I'm working on it. It seems like a good place to begin. Begin with roots not with branches or offshoots or large new growth, but begin by reaching down, down into the earth, and perhaps more importantly reaching down into the depths of yourself to call on strength you didn't know you had.

It's not even 9PM yet and I'm exhausted from my day. I didn't sleep well last night, there was storm in the air and it was hot and humid out. I worked, then went to physio and then went to yoga. Physio can be a workout in and of itself, so it was really hard doing the two in a row. By the end of yoga I was just lying on my mat; listening and absorbing the heat, but too exhausted to do anymore asanas (postures).

What have I learned today? Well, that's a hard question. I learned that it's expecting too much of myself to be able to sit cross legged or kneel yet, my range of motion is just not what it should be. I also remembered that I need to be patient with myself, that things will come when they come. Okay, so I didn't make it actively through the whole yoga class today. I stayed in active rest, and chose that as my way of practice. I once again became aware of just how much my body can take and where that line is between pushing myself and passing out.

Namaste

Challenge Day One

So, I'm actually writing this on the morning of Day 2. Last night was HOT and busy and I got dizzy when I took my medications and then there was a bit of a crisis with my mother, which I'll write about somewhere else.

Anyway, reflections on Day 1 of the challenge. Wow. A step out of my comfort zone! The opening ceremonies were at this gorgeous outdoor area just inside the city. They didn't tell any of us what we were doing, just to come. What we were doing, was a Challenging our Obstacles Course (wheel of fortune anyone? it's a before and after!)

My first thought was "I can't do this". I made the assumption that I would not be able to participate because of my ankle. And while physically I maybe should have gone with that, emotionally I'm really glad I didn't. We had to make teams, which again, was a HUGE step out of my comfort zone. I strongly dislike talking to people I don't know (don't even get me started on the massage train at the beginning) but it turned out to be just fine. The other women in my group were great. They were super compassionate about my ankle and we had lots of great laughs together as we navigated trails, hills, tree houses and yoga poses. It turned out, that the only thing I really couldn't do was the three legged race. That would just be asking for trouble.

So, day one of the challenge. Not what I expected, but already I've been pushed way out of my comfort zone. Let's see what day two brings!

Yoga 30 Day Challenge

Tomorrow I am starting a 30 day yoga challenge and I thought it would be really nice to blog about it... if I have the energy! The theme of the challenge is overcoming your obstacles and Ganesh here, the elephant God, is the Lord of Success and the Destroyer of Evil and Obstacles... or so the email I got tells me.

When I first decided to do the 30 Day Challenge this summer the biggest obstacle was the heat. How was I going to do 30 days of hot yoga in the heat?! Then Canada Day happened and my biggest obstacle became the fact that I couldn't walk and really wasn't sure when I'd be able to. I registered anyway. One of the first things I asked my physiotherapist about last week was whether she thought I'd be able to do my challenge, and she said YES (as long as I'm careful and stay within my limits and yada yada yada). My new obstacle is time. When I initially signed up for the challenge my schedule was about as empty as it ever gets and I thought it would be the perfect time. Now I've got physio twice a week, laser once a week, counselling etc... And let me tell you, physio is a workout and a half (i secretly call my physiotherapist the torture woman).

So, this challenge will indeed be about removing my obstacles, about finding time for myself in the midst of craziness and about shifting my priorities so I can accomplish my goal. Good luck to me! I'll keep you posted.

Yoga = Awesome

Today, for me, is a planned sick day. I love planned sick days. They give me so much time to make life less stressful...and to just get stuff done! Right now I'm at my mom's house doing laundry and chilling out. I'm about to help her with her bath. Later tonight I have a church meeting and then home to hang out with the cats... one of whom (cough, Sophie cat, cough) was up chewing on my hair at 7AM...grrrrr.

I did two yoga classes today. Yoga is one of the many things that has been helping me stay balanced and sane so I can cope with my life. In doing two classes, I chose to do one that was a really intense flow class and one that was a calm gentle restorative practice, again, creating balance. Balance or not though, I'm feeling kind of sore and jello like.

Creating balance in life is always difficult, but it becomes even more difficult when one part of your life requires a lot more energy then it has in the past. One thing I use when I lead the stress management group at work is an ecomap. Ecomaps track where the energy in your life is coming from and going to. It looks at which relationships are strained and which relationships are strong. If i was to draw an ecomap for myself right now, there would be a huge amount of energy going towards my family, it's a strong relationship, but I am not getting all that much energy back. Therefore, in order to maintain balance I have to draw on energy from other parts of my life, other parts of my ecomap if you will. Yoga, is one of those things which gives me energy. While it does take physical energy, I also find that it gives me physical energy and it definitely gives me mental energy. So, while some might see that my taking time almost everyday of yoga takes time away from my family, and some of my other responsibilities, it's something which gives me the strength to carry on.

work

I love that work can be a distraction from life. SO many people I know have jobs that they hate, that they can't wait to leave, that they dread, that they use life to escape from. I am SO blessed, in that I like my job enough that it can be stress relief. Yes, my supervisor has massive mood swings, and yes I don't always get along with my coworkers, but the truth is, I like my job. I've had to have some hard conversations with clients the past few days, but despite that, things have gone okay.

Things with my mom aren't the greatest right now, and I'm somewhat worried that my sister is suicidal, and there's the possibility my dad could lose his driver's license tomorrow, and I was really hurt by someone I thought of as a close friend, but things could definitely be worse. In fact, today seems to have been a fairly good day...especially since yoga. Yoga seemed especially hot today, but I came out feeling really good. I may be a wee bit sore tomorrow though...