grumpy tuesday

I had a grumpy Tuesday morning which started with a bad Monday night. It made me more aware then ever about how my mood affects clients. Interesting...

Anyway, Monday started off well, woke up at six, went to a friend's house for a youth retreat planning meeting, went out for ice cream! Went to work... Basically as soon as I got to work I felt sick. But, I went out on van patrol anyway. Half way through I stopped for some advil. By the end though I was just like "crap", how am I going to survive the night. I was soooo nauseous. One of our staff went home sick Sunday night, so I'm thinking "crap" maybe I have what she has/had.

I go down to IPDA (and I eat something, in case it's a "i had ice cream for breakfast" thing). Things are going fine down there, I do a discharge, and then I get five intakes in a row. Five. and not just in a row. I did five intakes in 25 minutes. Which is a lot. I was also interupted by some cops in police windbreakers looking for some guy who we haven't had contact with in four years. They told the other cops they "took priority". Maybe they did, but it meant I had to close everything I was doing and access a different part of the badly set up computer database. I didn't do any paper work till I was done with the intakes. Which has it's ups and it's downs. I almost passed out - I was dizzy, and begged one of the other staff to clean my cell from my discharge (yay for teamwork).

So I finish my turn in IPDA. Great. I tell my supervisor how sick I'm feeling and he orders me to take a break. I get distracted. I get reordered to take a break. So I sit down and eat and drink. One of the shelter cleaners (client) comes and asks for garbage bags, there's two other staff by the garbage bags. Neither of them do anything, but niether do I. SO one of our other staff comes in, client asks for garbage bags again. Staff get them, he thanks him, looks directly at me and says "cause all some staff do around here is sit on their arses". So I tell him he can't talk to me like that and he ignores me.

Fine, whatever. I'm annoyed, because this guy is well educated and not intoxicated, and he meant what he said. Some of our clients would say it in fun, or while drunk, I can deal with that, but not this. Especially when he has no idea that I'm dizzy or that i've been forced to sit down by my supervisor. So I mention it to my supervisor. He gets all defensive of me, and takes the client into the office for a little "chat". The client tells my supervisor that I'm the most patronizing staff member ever. Interesting. I'm not patronizing, I'm NICE. There is a BIG difference, and most people really appreciate it. I will have to watch myself though.

But, I was definitely in a bad mood, sick, tired, insulted, and now concerned about being called patronizing and a little annoyed that my supervisor did that. Oh, and I got reminded that people are only allowed one cup of coffee, so I had to work hard to enforce that. Everybody was swearing at me. It was a bad day. Oh, and it was raining. But I can't help wondering if the fact that I was in a bad mood to start with contributed to everyone's being mad at me. I mean, normally the clients in the coffee line do not swear at me. It just doesn't happen. I know my mood rubs off on clients, and so does my attitude. That happens with all the staff, and I see it on a regular basis. Even while intoxicated, people generally tend to respond better to people who treat them with respect (although it's a lot harder then).

When I was doing practicum only 2 days a week, it was a lot easier to curb my emotions while I was there and be happy all the time. Now that I'm working five days a week it's very different. I find that I'm having to work harder at it, and that I experience a greater range of moods over that time in general anyway. It's something I'm going to watch, reflect on, and see what happens.

It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood (and if you're my neighbour you won't bug me)

It is a gorgeous day out today. I woke up, slowly and painfully - but I did it, and went out for breakfast with my pastor. It was soooo nice outside! Not too hot, not too windy, not too cold. Ahhh I love it. Where am I now? Oh, that would inside by the air conditioner, lol.

Why am I inside on such a gorgeous day? Well, because I don't have a yard or a tent. That's right, a tent. I plan on going back to sleep in about an hour. I work nights tonight, and I really just want to sleep right now. If I had it my way I would sleep later this evening, but little sister turns eighteen today, so I have to head over to my parents place for dinner and presents and such.

Really, what I should be doing this afternoon is writing my sermon for church on Sunday. And I will, it's just so comfortable right here...under my blanket...with my teddy bear :)

I love gorgeous days. Even when I'm inside they put a smile on my face. When it rains, I never quite get that joy of curling up with a good book. Rain bothers me. But this, this is weather I can totally live with. I love God's sunshine!

rain rain go away

To be blunt, yesterday sucked. It sucked big time. I woke up to a grey sky and the sound of rain. Getting out of bed seemed painful. I had to buy bus tickets. The credit card swipe seemed painful. Bought printer ink, again, pain. Finally got to work, and well, it seemed painful too, imagine that.

Driving scares me. Driving downtown scares me more. Driving in the rain scares me. Driving in rush hour scares me. Driving with a bunch of people in the van scares me. Guess what I did yesterday? I drove downtown in rush hour in the pouring rain with a bunch of people in the van. And, we all survived!!!

I was supposed to end a six, but evenings was short, and since I only came in at one thirty I offered to stay "as long as they needed me". I wound up putting in more overtime. Only an hour and a half, but yeah. Although, there really was an advantage for me because then I got a free ride home instead of paying to take the bus in the rain. Plus that extra 9 bucks is worth what, 1 trip to Starbucks???

IPDA was VERY quiet yesterday. No one was drinking outside, too wet. The drop in though! Insane. Crazy. Everyone was grumpy, wet and smelly. Well, the staff weren't too smelly, but still. The clients were yelling at each other, and us. The staff were grumping at each other and then clients. It was...you guessed it, painful.

Then IPDA got insane. I did 17 intakes again yesterday this time in less the 7 hours. That's too many, and most of them were in the overtime part of my shift when I was tired. See there was a big rock concert in town... and so alcohol use was definitely occurring... Plus, we had to IPDA a few of ours, or well, get the downtown patrol to do it, because they were passed out or creating a disturbance upstairs.

And yesterday, I just felt... zapped. I'm not sure what it was, maybe the lack of sunshine, maybe I didn't have enough coffee, either way, NO energy for anything. Sigh. Thank you for listening to me whine.

No room at the inn

Last night it was cold and rainy. Obviously the shelter filled up quickly. We only have room for 60 people, and having 60 people is really really pushing it. It means that every single mat is full and so people are squished side by side each other.

The shelter closes as 6AM, at which time we kick people out. There are other places starting to open up, and we let people back in for 7AM soup anyway. We need that hour to get everything clean and sanitary. So, naturally, there's a time where we stop letting people in for the night, especially if we're almost full (and by that I mean 58-59 people). At 5AM it's just not a great idea to let someone in to sleep, and so we have policy around that.

Yesterday a woman came to the door around 5AM soaking wet from the rain. Our closed sign was prominently displayed, but she was banging on the window. I had to talk to her and tell her that we were closed and full. She argued that she was freezing, but my hands were "tied". I turned down the microphone, and turned away, I had to leave her standing there. We don't give away blankets, so I couldn't even do that for her.

How hardened am I, that I could just turn away and continue my work with barely a second thought? How hardened am I, that I could come home, eat a bagel and sleep for 18 hours not thinking of her once? Or, have a simply learned the good and healthy boundaries that will keep me from going insane and burning out in this job.