tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18877010531979451392024-02-19T01:25:11.132-06:00Awake and Dreaming - The Ramblings of a Social WorkerA little of this, a little of that. Perhaps a lot of whining, perhaps a lot of arguing for truth and social justice. It will be what it will be.Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.comBlogger424125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-68598994010056567332013-03-22T20:56:00.000-05:002013-03-22T20:56:31.883-05:00Spring is Here! <br />
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Yesterday I did 108 Sun Salutations. Spring is here!<u></u><u></u></div>
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It’s not the first time I’ve done 108 Sun Salutations, 108 Vinyasas or 108 prostrations, but it was the first time I haven’t counted. Yesterday I let go, and had faith in my teacher to do the counting for me. I tried to breathe through each salute as if it was the first, or the last, and let go of my need for control. It sort of worked.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Doing 108 Sun Salutations is as much an exercise of the mind as it is of your physical body and your breath, and boy did my mind try to play games with me. In the past I’ve done them in sets of 12, so you know that there are nine sets and you get a break after every 12. Yesterday, I just breathed. Without my glasses on, I counted even see the 108 flowers on the mirror, one of which was taken down after each flow, no way of knowing how far I’d come, or how far I had to go.<u></u><u></u></div>
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It’s interesting to observe where my mind goes, when my body is pushed, there’s sweat pouring from me, and I’m in a room with forty two other dripping people. I thought about work, I thought about my past, I thought about my future, I let the thoughts come, and I let the thoughts go, trying to come back to my breath, and only my breath.<u></u><u></u></div>
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There was also a constant battle going on between my mind and my body, as I worked to find the balance between pushing myself, and killing myself. <span style="font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">After five years of yoga I usually know the difference. </span></div>
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It started with my feet, they hurt, they felt crampy, “maybe you should just take a break”, said a part of my mind. Then it was my calves, and my hamstrings, aching, and a part of my mind saying “maybe you should just give up”. Other parts of my mind fought back, I knew I could do this, I’d done it before, I deepened my breath, deepened my resolve, and my teacher put on the Spice Girls. Definitely not the most reverent or bliss inducing choice, but the absolute perfect thing to give me the energy to keep going.<u></u><u></u></div>
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I danced my way through the next three songs.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Then it got hotter, or it felt like it was. I began to modify my Sun Salutations, proud of myself for getting through so many, as I’ve always modified all of them in the past.<u></u><u></u></div>
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My body is amazing.<u></u><u></u></div>
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I started to shiver despite how hot I was, and started wondering if this was a symptom of heat stroke, even though I know it isn’t, and besides, I was still dripping away. And all of a sudden in amongst the aches, the shivers, the sweat, and the back and forth in my mind, we were down to our last 12. Deep breaths. Jump Backs. Counting out loud. Rihanna. Gaga.<u></u><u></u></div>
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It was over.<u></u><u></u></div>
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I lay in savasana and decided not to move. I was overwhelmed with the heat, and the physical effort and the emotional battle. But, there was a smile on my face, and there is now as I write this. We do this all so that we can come back to savasana. How amazing does savasana feel after a practice like this.<u></u><u></u></div>
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The final mind battle was the urge to flee from the room. In the wise part of my mind I know that the longer the savasana the better, after all that exertion and all that breathing. Other parts of me though just wanted out, to be cool, to have salt, to have sugar, to have anything that wasn’t savasana in a hot room. And I breathed, and I waited, until I slowly left the room and joined some of my Sangha as we sat and shared our joy.</div>
Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-25194165122234938772013-02-02T22:15:00.003-06:002013-02-02T22:15:23.527-06:00Do I? I've been trying to figure out lately whether I like my job. I'm working in a job that would definitely not have been my first choice if I had my pick of social work positions. I accepted it because I was unemployed and it was a permanent job in government during a government hiring freeze. I accepted it on the advice of a trusted supervisor. I accepted it because I had to, or risk losing my unemployment insurance. So, I accepted the job, and I turned down another one just after. I'll never know if I would have liked the other one better. So here I am, new job, and really feeling like it's not an amazing fit but that I can still do some very good work, but do I like it?<br />
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Let's start with the good things about my job.<br />
- I'm learning a lot about case management<br />
- I get a lot of independence<br />
- I have an assistant who does my filing<br />
- I get to do a ton of networking<br />
- We have every colour of post-it flag ever (in fact our supply room is twice the size of my last supervisor's office)<br />
- It's downtown so I can go for indoor walks through the skywalks and tunnels when it's freezing cold out<br />
- It's only one bus from home<br />
- I'm learning a lot about geriatrics<br />
- I make more money than I've ever made before<br />
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And some not so great things.<br />
- I have very little client contact<br />
- SO much dealing with money<br />
- I never see my supervisor<br />
- I get NO feedback on my work other than grammar corrections<br />
- It's busy all the time but I find the work itself boring<br />
- I feel extremely awkward having an assistant<br />
- We're not allowed to hang things on our walls or put tacks in them<br />
- I work for lawyers.<br />
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The bottom line is that I feel stuck. I might like this job more if I hadn't got laid off from the old one. One of the hard things about this job is that I'm resentful about having to be there at all. I also keep coming across stuff the person before me screwed up and having to fix it. On the other hand, I feel like in this job I really get to have a voice for the voiceless, and I like that. I just sort of feel like I could use my gifts and talents better somewhere else. That administration just isn't the best place for me. And yet, I'm not looking for a new job. I want my old job back. Still. And if I stay in government it will be a lot easier. Plus, I really don't want to start anything new, I don't want to have to start everything all over again, I've only been in this job 11 weeks. I'd like to work my way up to having holidays somewhere so my dad and I can go to Europe. I'd like to work my way to having a bank of sick time, in case I get sick. I'd like to be somewhere, and make a name for myself. I was doing all those things at the old place....<br />
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There isn't any room for advancement at this job. I'm 26 and I'm already at the top if I stay here. The only way to be higher would be to become a lawyer, which just isn't happening. My supervisor is a lawyer. I also don't see myself being able to have much impact on any policy changes or systemic issues at this job. I can do my little bit, but I feel like I could do more somewhere else. It strikes me that perhaps I need to set a time limit on this job. Give myself time to learn the job, to adjust, and to give it a real and full chance, but if after a time frame I'm still not happy, giving myself permission to look for something new. And really, I'd at least like to get through my three month review...Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-69994586747181387932012-11-09T12:07:00.000-06:002012-11-09T12:07:54.809-06:00Privacy Laws<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My city is not that big, it’s fewer than 1 million people, which means
that when you work in the social services field, you can run into the same people,
over and over again, no matter where you are working or volunteering. Because I
tend to focus on similar populations (homeless, high risk, “dangerous”,
substance abusing etc…) that becomes even more of an issue. Basically, it means
that I’ve known some of my clients for 10 years, through at least five
different jobs and volunteer positions, which is great, in some ways, but
definitely makes things more challenging in other ways. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Here’s the scenario, you have a signed confidentiality/release of
information with a client on your caseload. You’ve known them 10 years, but
they’ve only been on your caseload at this job for 6 months. Keep in mind here,
that in each of the places you’ve worked you would have had signed consents on
file for disclosures to certain people, not necessarily the all the same places/people,
plus, these consents would no longer apply to you as you are no longer there. You
are talking to someone from the justice system who is working on a
presentencing report; they ask you how long you’ve known the client, what do
you tell them? <o:p></o:p></div>
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The answer is of course, complex andI went and talked to my supervisor,
who also didn’t have a good answer. My reflection on the situation? I’m still
not sure what the correct answer was/is. I think in the spirit of the
information acts, I gave an appropriate answer. The acts are meant to protect
the best interests of the people, and in this case, providing relevant
information was in his best interests, in my opinion (now, don’t get me started
on how the justice system ignored everything I said). <o:p></o:p></div>
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Any thoughts? <o:p></o:p></div>
Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-79312585094459820552012-11-06T00:51:00.001-06:002012-11-06T00:51:56.048-06:00The Why<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, how does a social work wind up out of work, especially a social
worker who up until March had three jobs? Simple, government.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Without going into too much detail, just because the internet isn’t
exactly the world’s most secure forum, I was working for government, government
cut backs, term not renewed. The end. I quit my other two jobs before my trip
to Malawi in April deciding to focus on church and my full time job with the
government. Working 56 hours a week just wasn’t doing it for me…. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I think the hardest part of all of this, is that I really, really,
liked my old job. I liked my caseload (all 180 of them), I liked my coworkers,
I liked what I did, and I even liked my supervisor. I won’t lie to you either,
it was the highest paying job I’d ever had, good for the mortgage and all sorts
of house disasters (of which there were many). I’m finding it very hard to
apply for new jobs, because I’m still stalled at the old job. Not quite sure
how to move past that, I’m guessing though, that, like most things, it will
take time.</div>
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While I wait for the time to pass, I've got some stories to tell, some social issues to discuss, and some ranting to do. Stay tuned! </div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-25304527926520446392012-11-05T00:08:00.000-06:002012-11-05T00:08:21.146-06:00Things that keep me sane right now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I can't remember the last time that I didn't have something to do. I would guess that it was the summer between grade 10 and grade 11, about eleven years ago. Even then, I babysat more days than I didn't, and worked at gymnastics camp, so if we're really looking back, the last time I had this long a break would have to be when I was about twelve.<br />
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It's been two whole weeks of unemployment. It's definitely a BIG change for me.<br />
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I started school when I was five, I did the normal kindergarten to grade 12. I worked the summer between grade 12 and university, and for the next four years I worked/took classes/went to practicum and worked over the summer. I started my first "real" job the day after my graduation. Each time I've switched jobs I've taken less than a week to make the transition. Now, I'm finally having a real and true break. It's weird.<br />
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The first week was kind of nice, I babysat a couple of times, had a couple of appointments, kept myself busy. Last week was a little harder, but for the most part, I found a daily activity, something to get me out of the house, this upcoming week, who knows. But, there are some things keeping me sane, and so, in typical me fashion, I close this post with, a list.<br />
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Things that keep me sane right now:<br />
- setting my alarm clock<br />
- having a reason to get up each day (without one, I just don't get up)<br />
- the alarm clock on my coffee maker<br />
- daily yoga practice<br />
- the gym<br />
- my friends<br />
- getting out EVERY day<br />
- planning ahead, so there's always something to fill my time<br />
- being nice to myself<br />
- taking things slow<br />
- daily job search<br />
- eating<br />
- sleeping at night<br />
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and I'm sure many other things, but that's it for now!Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-43777039841767760542012-11-02T00:23:00.002-05:002012-11-02T00:23:31.201-05:00Social Worker for Hire<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, it's National Novel Writing Month, and I'm unemployed. You might think that these two things have very little to do with each other, however, it's been brought to my attention that being unemployed, I should have more time to write, should, is the operative word here. The truth of the matter is, I do have more time to write, the other truth however, is that I really don't have a novel inside me right now, I just don't. SO, I decided that rather than trying to force something out of me that wasn't there, I would try to blog everyday in November. That, I think I can handle, although this short paragraph is all you're getting for today's blog!Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-16754332832265565202011-09-03T12:59:00.004-05:002011-09-06T13:23:03.630-05:00The update of the month - from the perspective of Sophie Cat<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3Tpy3rXoV6XpTOyLNc0RY3wtOViIk8Y-RiUqSwfBolf77IHWyVTNpZ8DnbQG9ZkZiNpj4k9e44n48jL686O0C54bjugVcJU_2mc__hsWUllO2H8i_gWDh4VnWrKNdUH-nj75eK5EEH4/s1600/Pictures+off+my+camera+072.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3Tpy3rXoV6XpTOyLNc0RY3wtOViIk8Y-RiUqSwfBolf77IHWyVTNpZ8DnbQG9ZkZiNpj4k9e44n48jL686O0C54bjugVcJU_2mc__hsWUllO2H8i_gWDh4VnWrKNdUH-nj75eK5EEH4/s200/Pictures+off+my+camera+072.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5648195548537123314" /></a>Hi world. Sophie Cat here. I decided that it was time this blog had a touch of style and truth added to it. The title claims that I get to help, and yet rarely am I asked to contribute, so here we go, the month of August in review, by, me. <div><br /></div><div>First of all, August seemed to involve A LOT of boxes. While the orange cat seemed to enjoy this, I, did not. Small minds may take delight in jumping in and out of things, but more developed minds know that boxes, in both large and small quantities, always mean that something is changing. I did not approve. Next, the boxes began fillings with all our earthly possessions, once again, I did not approve. </div><div><br /></div><div>Come the middle of the month the boxes began disappearing, slowly at first and then faster. Finally, one day, the girl locked us in the bathroom with a bowl of water, our beds, and our litter box and what sounded like an army of people started trooping in and out of the apartment. Then, the girl and her old roommate came, dragged us out, and threw us in the back seat of the car. Everyone commented on the orange cat's big eyes and look of fear, but I was all tucked away unseen in my carrier. </div><div><br /></div><div>The girl pulled into a garage and left us in the car for a while before she brought us in somewhere new. The room smelled all new and different, but yet all our things were there. The orange cat jumped under the bed right away and I stayed in my carrier till every one left me alone before coming out and exploring. The space seemed okay, but I was NOT impressed with all the moving about and I just wanted to go home. Alas though, the girl hoped into the bed, pulled me up, and we slept there that night, and every night since then too. </div><div><br /></div><div>The moving however was not the worst thing that happened this month. The worst thing that happened, was what I found when I started to further explore. In her new house, the girl is harbouring a human and a feline or unknown origins. That's right, there's another cat, thankfully she comes with her own girl and is not trying to steal mine, but still. I have put her in her place numerous times, and now she runs after I give her a look in the proper way. The orange cat seems slightly interested in her, however the new cat's been hissing at him. The girl informs me that I need to be nice to him, but well, we'll see. </div><div><br /></div><div>So that's this month. Furniture still keeps moving around, the girl flits in and out and the new cat seems here to stay. Hopefully this month will have FAR less trauma associated with it! </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-47878626997512371962011-09-03T12:28:00.003-05:002011-09-03T12:48:41.089-05:00Things I learned this monthSo here we are at the beginning of another month. At the end of group on Thursday I got them to write about ten things they learned this month and as is my new habit I did the same. Unfortunately, I lost my list, so I have to try and make it up again so I can share it. So, here it goes, hopefully. <div>
<br /></div><div>
<br /></div><div>1. If you can't find the crawl space in your new house, look under the sink. </div><div>2. Always know the name of your lawyer</div><div>3. When you're doing headstands, the pinky fingers don't interlace</div><div>4. When you're going from a headstand, through scorpion, to a half wheel, go SLOWLY (actually that applies to most of my yoga and perhaps to most of my life)</div><div>5. Some things you've come to accept as normal, are actually harassment</div><div>6. Living on the ground floor of a house (well, it's a single story house) means you can no longer just randomly change, you have to think about whether your blinds are open. </div><div>7. Living with a roommate means you can't just randomly change, you need to make sure your door is closed.</div><div>8. I talk to my cats A LOT and have entire conversations with them. While I knew this was true, I didn't realize how extreme it was till I had the roommate comment on said conversations. </div><div>9. You CAN fit a one bedroom apartment inside a 1 ton u-haul (my father didn't believe it could be done). </div><div>10. I have awesome friends (but I already knew this)</div><div>
<br /></div><div>So there you have it, ten things of August! </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-66074023334380184872011-08-17T22:01:00.003-05:002011-08-17T22:14:04.705-05:00Projection aka The Sophie Cat WILL be lonely for me while I'm away<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN98upDEiFWsp4bG0NzhJSo_92A75EBqCspOYNXusrvBGta9sesGGUi06-np2lLC9LqzZY9PJrJN_-yTdj_F1bGqunQ1IQgKz91CkiyzszkLMbIUeEFoXc8TEtazvy2FXfIw135MEauS0/s1600/Sophie+Cat+and+Friends+024.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN98upDEiFWsp4bG0NzhJSo_92A75EBqCspOYNXusrvBGta9sesGGUi06-np2lLC9LqzZY9PJrJN_-yTdj_F1bGqunQ1IQgKz91CkiyzszkLMbIUeEFoXc8TEtazvy2FXfIw135MEauS0/s200/Sophie+Cat+and+Friends+024.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5642026175124948530" /></a>According to wikipedia (such a reliable source I know) Freud says that "projection is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one 'projects' one's own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires and feelings onto someone else". In my work, I see projection a lot, however I haven't really been thinking about it a lot in terms of myself, and certainly not in terms of my relationship with Sophie Cat! Today I went to see my counsellor, who I see about once every five weeks or so, just to check in, and she pointed out to me that I seemed to be placing a lot of care and concern on what Sophie Cat might be feeling about life events worry about how they might affect her, without really being able to clearly articulate that I might be having similar feelings. <div>
<br /></div><div>Monday, I got the keys to my new house. My new roommate and her cat move in on Thursday, and the cats and I move in next Wednesday. Then the last two weeks of September, I am going on a vacation with my dad and leaving my cats with my roommate to look after. Naturally, I expect that Sophie Cat is going to hate this. That she's going to have anxiety, that's she's going to be stressed, that she's going to pine for me. I worry that she'll get sick, or stop eating, or go back to her old evil, angry and hissing self. I worry that she'll hate the new cat and that things won't work out. I worry that she'll miss me terribly. And while these concerns are semi realistic (cats don't like change, especially Sophie Cat, there may also be some projection going on here). </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Perhaps, I'm a bit nervous about not liking my roommate, just as I'm worried that Sophie will hate the new cat. Perhaps I'm a lot worried about getting homesick for my house and my cats, just like I'm worried Sophie won't like the new set up. Perhaps I'm worried that with my limited diet I won't be able to find food I can eat. And I'm sure there's some part of me that worries about what it will be like spending two weeks with my father. (I probably won't start hissing any more than I already do though...)</div><div>
<br /></div><div>So these week, I plan to spend more time paying attention to projection. Not just what I'm projecting onto the cat, but what I'm projecting on to other people. I think it's an important thing to look at, particularly with clients, but in my personal life as well. It will be interesting to look at, and see if I notice anything. Also, I think I'll pay a little extra attention to my Sophie Cat. For both ours sakes! </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-68745820997139124962011-08-11T22:01:00.002-05:002011-08-11T22:18:14.370-05:00on disclosure and/or did I tell you that?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKyHGQ0GSSDuT4mOpyoucggjLylws-Zx2cuE2jrAIKXvm-sLRc-YBz_-592I0fzJKmbY5Us7_lXxC71kfHowZEqGivo76z_7bNSTWcrqCBU9spoELeG5GJjD0Aj6efMEG6yK2ovVeheD0/s1600/Cat+in+a+box%252C+garden+week+five+and+six%252C+birthday+037.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKyHGQ0GSSDuT4mOpyoucggjLylws-Zx2cuE2jrAIKXvm-sLRc-YBz_-592I0fzJKmbY5Us7_lXxC71kfHowZEqGivo76z_7bNSTWcrqCBU9spoELeG5GJjD0Aj6efMEG6yK2ovVeheD0/s200/Cat+in+a+box%252C+garden+week+five+and+six%252C+birthday+037.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5639799691600198162" /></a>That's a picture of her highness madam Sophie Cat licking out the inside of an empty cat food bag. I always give them the bag to play with, but I've never seen her disappear completely into it until tonight. The picture reminds me of being a counsellor in some ways, because for the most part, we stick a lot of our personal lives away in back corner and we don't talk about them with clients; they only see a little piece of us, like the tail sticking out of the bag. It's not a perfect metaphor, but the picture works for today's topic. <div>
<br /></div><div>As a counsellor, I try to be quite "real" with clients. I share perhaps slightly more about my personal life than some, but I think for the most part, I really am quite guarded. All of my clients know I like cats, of course, they can't help but know as soon as they set foot in my office. Many of them also know that I have a second job and where it is, and I'm okay with that. For the most part though, that's it. I see know point in giving out information about my personal life unless it's relevant to the client and in their best interests. The point of counselling is certainly not for me to tell MY story. When I do groups I think I tend to share more of myself, simply because I am constantly having to come up with examples. Even then, they mostly revolve around fairly generic things, such as the fact that I have friends, and a family, nothing very specific. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Because of the above, it surprised me, when a client recently commented not just on me moving into my house, but on me getting a roommate. You see, I very much do NOT remember telling her this, and I'm really not sure why I would have. I might have shared with the group she was in that I was moving (and honestly it was probably in the context of cats, and how they don't like change, and how people don't either), but I have no idea why I would talk about the roommate thing. I didn't tell my family till yesterday. I mentioned the situation to a couple people on my team and the best we can figure is that the client must have over heard me talking to my coworkers at some point, listened, and remembered. Either that or I'm really not paying attention to what I'm saying. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>I think, regardless of how the client found out about the details of my life, it's a reminder to watch what I say at work. I need to be more mindful about disclosure and make sure I am keeping the focus on the client, including the small talk we make. It also means that I probably need to watch my volume and watch where I am talking to coworkers, especially remembering that the room we eat lunch in has vents which carry sound quite far. There are definitely some things I share with coworkers, particularly over lunch, that I wouldn't want my clients to know about. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>As professionals, there is so much power in what we say, and I think it's good to remind myself o this more often than I do. Words have power, and clients pay attention to what we say. Time to start paying closer attention to my words. </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-83202829652288973132011-08-10T22:18:00.003-05:002011-08-10T22:37:12.937-05:00Birthday Number 25<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3R_3VD-RPJTklhQbdDFc_ViosT3Sr7Cs4zvKsPdpddlOYQOzI0mgy6pMoDY2_xU3nUo7GCA1s9IWGseC_xGJY2katit_7kv7Rr2sejvkOM9RycB8JQM90zF9393jFfqVZeZpQo0Qs/s400/birthday_cat.bmp" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 285px; height: 285px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3R_3VD-RPJTklhQbdDFc_ViosT3Sr7Cs4zvKsPdpddlOYQOzI0mgy6pMoDY2_xU3nUo7GCA1s9IWGseC_xGJY2katit_7kv7Rr2sejvkOM9RycB8JQM90zF9393jFfqVZeZpQo0Qs/s400/birthday_cat.bmp" border="0" alt="" /></a>I wanted to do a birthday post, of some sort, a sort of recap of my twenty fifth year on the earth, but I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to post, so you get a mix of things. <div>
<br /></div><div>For starters, you get to read about what I did today, because today was awesome. I decided to make the best of the whole not being allowed to/give the opportunity to not work today (I pouted and cried yesterday, today was for celebration). I was up early anyway, seeing as best friend texted me at 707 to wish me a happy birthday, and the cats were up and meowing. Dad and I met with the lawyer's office to sign all the papers for my house, then hit the Starbucks. I took him to my church's garden (which I'll DEFINITELY have to write about sometime) and we drove past my house. Then I did a flow class at yoga. Came home, ate lunch, watched tv yada yada, then off to my doctor for a quick check up and med refill and it was time for the second Starbucks visit of the day! (It's my birthday, why not). After that it was time for my flow II class at yoga then birthday dinner with my dad and sister at my favourite vegan burger place! They even have dairy free soft serve with gluten free cones, so I can EAT it! And that was my birthday :) A very good day if I do say so myself!</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Now, for my reminiscing part. Things that have happened since I turned 24 last year.... hmmm</div><div>-Well, there's the obvious ones. My grandmother died, and then my mom died, right close together, so this has been a sad year in many ways. </div><div>-I decided to house hunt and bought a house!</div><div>-I became senior staff on my team and we had almost a complete staff turn over</div><div>-I became president of our union</div><div>-I deepened some friendships, let go of some others</div><div>-I learned a TON about yoga and how my body works</div><div>-I went back to counselling (and still go, on and off)</div><div>-I started seeing my naturopath</div><div>-I started getting massages</div><div>-I cut way back on my inhalers (I also stopped taking them completely for a bit, before the asthma nutrition plan, and couldn't breath deeply enough to do a sun salutation)</div><div>-I started playing Ultimate Frisbee (which is aweomse!)</div><div>-I went to Ottawa, Washington State, Washington D.C. and Richmond Hill Ontario (and got to do Moksha yoga in Ottawa and Richmond Hill)</div><div>-I broke my caffeine addiction but discovered that I still really like coffee </div><div>-I taught Sunday School, which I always said I'd never do again, and wound up liking it</div><div>-I said no to more things then I've ever said no to before (and the world didn't end)</div><div>-I decided to go to Malawi</div><div>-I began to enjoy wine only do have it disappear due to the asthma plan</div><div>-I learned more about motivational interviewing and am getting better at putting it into practice</div><div>-I came more to terms with my ethical and moral beliefs about suicidal clients</div><div>
<br /></div><div>And well, I'm sure a lot more! I bet that didn't even touch most of what I did this year or what I learned, but I'm falling asleep as I type, so the list is as good as it gets! </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-29432567065639582772011-08-09T21:30:00.002-05:002011-08-09T21:36:43.292-05:00angry<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkllNxe6NFzjw_dmdDvzZ0tXJNK2eEqEs6Xnlae5UyxWfEuo495eL6rvK0ibcmqAY4tL7nKYCAAwKOI8MC8NkHFtGeNFx6wp5JF3nTsTlMRCIhgBj6SEhNCMlta-h_pJjvtXZ6kReIA0w/s1600/sophie+and+street+ministry+010.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkllNxe6NFzjw_dmdDvzZ0tXJNK2eEqEs6Xnlae5UyxWfEuo495eL6rvK0ibcmqAY4tL7nKYCAAwKOI8MC8NkHFtGeNFx6wp5JF3nTsTlMRCIhgBj6SEhNCMlta-h_pJjvtXZ6kReIA0w/s200/sophie+and+street+ministry+010.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5639049478476453090" /></a>Do you ever feel trapped? Like everything you do is just the WRONG thing to do. Feel like you can't win, no matter what? That the harder you try, the worse things get? That's how I feel today, and I've been busy trying to talk myself out of it. I wish I could elaborate, because it's a complex story and kind of mind boggling really, but it's the kind of thing I really can't put on the internet without risking serious repercussions. Perhaps it is sufficient to say that I'm spending my 25th birthday (tomorrow) away from the office through no choice of my own and I'm rather displeased about it. It was initially a punishment of sorts, disguised as an offer of good will, then became a true offer of good will, however, it's an unnecessary offer, which places me behind on some work that I need to get done. I will say that at NO point was my work with clients affected, and the last time I checked, being stressed about one's upcoming house purchase on one's lunch break wasn't a crime. But, it is what it is. And I can't even sleep in :( have to meet the lawyer at 9 anyway. Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-35097406243957225782011-08-06T21:37:00.003-05:002011-08-06T21:58:01.704-05:00awkward questions/compliments<a href="http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/6/18/128898279360444135.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 374px;" src="http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/6/18/128898279360444135.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><div>Something I talk about in the classes I teach on Assertiveness, Self Esteem and Criticism, is that a lot of people have a hard time accepting compliments. So often in life, we are unable to take compliments at face value, and we have a hard time accepting them as positive. Sometimes it is because we are wondering about a hidden motive, what does this person want? Why are they being nice to me? Other times, it is because we don't believe it ourselves, when we feel badly about ourselves, it's hard to imagine that others don't feel similarly. I'm sure the following conversation is fairly normal in your life as well. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Nice outfit today!"</div><div>"Oh, this old thing, I found it in the back of my closet"</div><div><br /></div><div> "You did a good job on that project!"</div><div>"(list of all the things that went wrong on the project)"</div><div><br /></div><div>Because I am constantly teaching this, I've tried really hard to work on it myself, and I really think I've improved at taking compliments, except about one issue. See, here's the thing, in January, I did a detox at yoga, and after that, my naturopath put me on an asthma nutrition plan which cut out eggs, wheat, dairy, chocolate, wine and beer. So, since January, I've lost more than 40lbs. I am still not even half way to being a "healthy" weight for my height, but it's a big change, and it's quite noticeable now. I have a really hard time with this. Part of the problem is that I was happy with my body the way it was before, and I'm happy with my body the way it is now. I'm enjoying the weight loss because it's been good for my yoga practice, and I'm almost out of plus sizes so the thrift store will have more clothes that fit me... oh, and towels wrap around me better! I am not, however, obsessed with the weight loss. I stick with the eating plan because it has helped my asthma A LOT. I've cut back a huge amount on the inhaled steroids, from two puffs, twice a day to one, once a day, and the only time I have asthma symptoms is when I eat things that aren't on the plan, (like the s'mores last weekend!)</div><div><br /></div><div>How does this relate to compliments? Well, I've started getting a lot of "compliments" on my weight loss. And I'm really having a hard time with it. I've been trying to get to the root of why, but I'm having a difficult time analyzing it. Part of it, I think, is that it seems too personal, but my body is something the world sees everyday, of course my coworkers and friends will notice the change in size. If I get a new hair cut, or new makeup, they notice, why wouldn't they notice this. Then there is a part of me that feels that I don't deserve the compliment, that I haven't done this to lose weight, that I'm not cutting calories that much (I eat a lot of tortilla chips and jelly bellies). The simple fact is, that with cutting out eggs, wheat and dairy, and continuing with my yoga classes, I must be eating less than I put out. I've had to eliminate frozen pizza and ice cream and lean cusine frozen dinners from my daily eating, and it makes a big difference. I also had to stop eating most desserts and snack food. So, I feel like I'm not putting nearly as much effort into this, in a direct way, as all the times I did try and lose weight and failed. </div><div><br /></div><div>So really, I think the issues comes down to the weight. I don't like that the focus is on weight. I don't like that it's something we compliment people on, and yet in some ways, I think we should? I have a lot of thoughts about it, and I'm having a hard time getting them out. On the no side, as in no, we shouldn't compliment people about their weight loss, my thoughts are as follows. </div><div>- Self Esteem and Self Worth should not come from physical image or outside things. Giving compliments about this does not promote internal factors. </div><div>- My sister has an eating disorder, as do many, many others, and this is a huge trigger thing. </div><div>Then there's my thoughts on the we should compliment people side of things. </div><div>- Science has shown us over and over that obesity is rampant, and a huge cause of health programs, should we not applaud people's efforts to be healthy? </div><div>- (This goes with the one above, I suppose) if someone were to quit smoking, we would applaud it, if they were to quit drinking, we'd compliment them, why wouldn't we do the same to weight loss? </div><div><br /></div><div>I think what it comes down to, is who the compliments come from, and how their phrased, at least in my book. For example, when my supervisor compliments me, she says things like "you've really changed a lot of your habits" and she encourages me in my healthy eating. When <i>her </i>supervisor compliments me, she says things like "you're a lot smaller, have you lost weight?" I find the questions harder than the compliments, I suppose. People telling me I look good, I don't seem to mind nearly as much as people telling me I look good I<i> because </i>I've lost weight, or that the weight loss looks good. I have a really hard time with those, and I question, did I look that bad before? I was okay how I looked then to! (I also really hate it when anyone calls me a skinny minny, or really, when anyone uses the word "skinny". </div><div><br /></div><div>I suppose, this has no conclusion. I haven't answered any of my questions. I still don't know whether it's good or bad to compliment someone on their weight loss (thankfully I'm so oblivious I never notice when someone loses or gains weight, so that part of things is not an issue for me), and I still don't know why it bothers me <i>so</i> much when people compliment me on my weight loss. Thoughts for another day, I suppose. </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-87847892359322619782011-08-05T22:01:00.002-05:002011-08-05T22:06:56.335-05:00Things I've Learned<a href="http://www.abs-exercise-advice.com/images/headstand-group.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 576px; height: 203px;" src="http://www.abs-exercise-advice.com/images/headstand-group.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Today I got the clients to do an exercise for the last day of group in which they had to think of ten things they'd learned. Either things about employment, or coping skills, or job searching, or themselves, and so I figured that while they were working on it, I'd try and come up with ten things I'd learned in the past four weeks as well. I came up with 14 and thought I'd share them. <div><br /></div><div>1. I am an adult... for real (I think I learn this one at least once a month though)</div><div>2. B12 shots rock my world</div><div>3. I don't want fixing, I want support (again, I learn this one a lot)</div><div>4. Half moon pose needs to be done from my finger tips</div><div>5. How to do a proper headstand the "yoga way"</div><div>6. How to stake peas and beans</div><div>7. It might not happen even when it feels right</div><div>8. Don't drink drinks made by a certain friend</div><div>9. How to be a better "mark" in ultimate frisbee</div><div>10. Gluten free buns are kind of gross (but they're buns I can eat so I eat them anyway)</div><div>11. Your SIN card no longer counts as ID for criminal record checks</div><div>12. Republic of Doyle is a great Canadian show</div><div>13. Cats at the office are good, transporting said cats to/from the office is not</div><div>14. Sophie Cat is a good judge of character (or at least dislikes the same people I do). </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-9987990356472605142011-08-05T22:00:00.002-05:002011-08-05T22:01:51.146-05:00Grumpy Sophie Cat<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrd40uqsgVsJVpD97rorUmLVJ3u1Gr2dIr1vkZx47zSeaoP_8-ZfRMx2WER0OJ5gE2F3BUxIQ3ONyR3ZSH8HNQp1cyCaCZ1pc-AgQEyEvEVznn7F8R4_ec5GAWn6GD_IC_aBHj1u5VXxE/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrd40uqsgVsJVpD97rorUmLVJ3u1Gr2dIr1vkZx47zSeaoP_8-ZfRMx2WER0OJ5gE2F3BUxIQ3ONyR3ZSH8HNQp1cyCaCZ1pc-AgQEyEvEVznn7F8R4_ec5GAWn6GD_IC_aBHj1u5VXxE/s400/Photo%252520Effects.jpg" /></a></p><div style="clear: both; text-align: center; font-size: xx-small;">Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9</div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-22635849415843332932011-08-03T20:57:00.003-05:002011-08-03T21:21:49.858-05:00Melancholy<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirkGvFdb_iJBTACcUxmhzVNCKfqasJAOlR4hZLTo0AzyUWHEyoWC3F8T4SprX81uPKrhklfDJTWhNjsPVsvuusJ3IXBcYMPVG-Dse1ofNe9OQVrG980SqN5xQ8R5slalgdw1GLEkwmE-s/s1600/lazy+day+006.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirkGvFdb_iJBTACcUxmhzVNCKfqasJAOlR4hZLTo0AzyUWHEyoWC3F8T4SprX81uPKrhklfDJTWhNjsPVsvuusJ3IXBcYMPVG-Dse1ofNe9OQVrG980SqN5xQ8R5slalgdw1GLEkwmE-s/s200/lazy+day+006.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5636814801868918994" /></a><br />Melancholy: a deep, pensive, and long lasting sadness. <div><br /></div><div>I think that melancholy might be a good word to describe how I'm feeling right now. It's hard to explain really. When my naturopath asked me today, the best I could come up with was "contemplative" and that didn't quite do it, so I thought about it some more, and melancholy really seems to fit, especially the part about being pensive. I'm not sure quite what I'm thinking about, and some of it's definitely good, but I'm definitely thinking, and pondering, and just generally, pensive. </div><div><br /></div><div>The number one thing on my mind these days is "growing up". Now, I don't mean that in the way of now I'm not a kid anymore, I've just noticed lately, that I'm more grown up and more comfortable in my roles than I used to be. I've been working with a few people at the shelter lately who've been younger than me (which is a nice change, to be honest) and it's started to really strike me just how much I've grown and changed since I started working there more than three years ago, and for the most part, in a good way. When I started working there, everything was new and exciting, and I had story after story after story to tell. I was enthusiastic, wanting to learn, and always looking for something to do. I see that a lot in our new staff, especially some of the younger ones. Now, it's not that I'm not enthusiastic, and I don't do extra stuff, and I still LOVE learning and hearing people's stories, that stuff is still all true, I guess it's just that I've settled into my role. It doesn't need to be exciting anymore though, I'm okay with quiet shifts; if there's nothing to do, I'm okay with sitting back and observing. Situations that I might have found exciting, or scary, or challenging in the past are no longer quite so extreme. I don't think I've hardened or become bitter, I just think I've adapted, gained experience and gained confidence. I've also gotten a lot more experienced in how things work in terms of policies, staff dynamics, and client dynamics, which helps A LOT when working in social services. New staff ask me questions, and now lots of times the answer is "I've stopped asking" (I haven't decided if that's good or not, one gave me a great ethical dilemma that I'm still mulling over). </div><div><br /></div><div>And then there's my full time job. I've been working as a social worker/counsellor for more than two years now and I am now the most senior person on my team. Some days I feel like I'm really comfortable in my role, that I'm a good counsellor, other days, I feel like I'm just playing at my job and not really doing anything. I realize that's normal and I may never get over it, I've just been thinking about it a lot more lately. Counselling is such a hard thing to evaluate though, in other professions I might be able to have objective measures of how things are going, but I find it very hard to figure out this. I mean, most clients thank me and make another appointment and are hopefully moving towards there goals, but there are also a huge chunk of clients who drop off the face of the earth, or who don't move towards the program goal (employment) and I have to close their file whether they like it or not. (Someday I will work in a program that does not have a specific end result and where success is not measured by only one outcome, and my job security does not depend on the percentage of clients who meet that goal). </div><div><br /></div><div>Finally there's me as a person. I've had a few different people lately compliment me on how friendly and how nice I am. I have a hard time with this. Not because I don't believe that I'm friendly and nice, because I am, but because I feel like I haven't been putting any effort into <i>being</i> friendly and nice and there is so much more I could be doing. I almost feel like I've been avoiding being friendly and nice, and yet, here I am, getting these compliments. This both confuses me and gives me hope. I'm glad that I am coming across that way, because it's the person I want to be, but I wish I could see it in myself. I guess I'll just have to watch harder! </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-42329042676882898582011-07-29T22:42:00.005-05:002011-07-29T23:00:03.175-05:00quick update<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYQGkzIDAow6IdcWOG41-fczERlGXqU-b7phOCKxDnDSEVrLjEgu6ky_6OZ9L-cYwlHqwxJlJbIpJ0aJ7d0VQt3GYTh3hWi6gHlDeAqX1rWIzV2ISkRQy4g4QncLzZeEZWBBtUGOVDxPw/s1600/Lion+Cut+020.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYQGkzIDAow6IdcWOG41-fczERlGXqU-b7phOCKxDnDSEVrLjEgu6ky_6OZ9L-cYwlHqwxJlJbIpJ0aJ7d0VQt3GYTh3hWi6gHlDeAqX1rWIzV2ISkRQy4g4QncLzZeEZWBBtUGOVDxPw/s200/Lion+Cut+020.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5634985925582182738" /></a>I got Sophie Cat shaved for the summer. She was NOT impressed. Not impressed at all. I think she secretly likes it though, SO much less fur for her to have to worry about. This lack of fur makes her a lot cooler and I worry less about her spending her summer in my top floor apartment. <div><br /></div><div>Speaking of apartments. I bought a house. 17 more days until I get possession! I'm super excited, and super nervous. And there is of course the part where I HATE moving. It is just not my idea of a good time in any way, shape, or form. I fully intend on staying in my new little house until I have a really good reason to leave (and for the record, getting too much stuff, not a good reason to leave, that's just a good reason to get ride of stuff). </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm still working both my jobs, but I have to say, working in an employment agency just has so much less excitement to it compared with working in the shelter overnight. I mean, it's a good job and all, just not as exciting. I really do like getting to use more of my social work skills and less of my babysitting skills though. </div><div><br /></div><div>Also, I'm going to Africa in May. With my church, on a mission trip, not just randomly going or anything, but I'm quite nervous about it. I've never been off the continent and never even considered going to Africa until this year. We'll see how it goes. I know God will be with me, but it scares me like crazy. </div><div><br /></div><div>and... that's all?! I apparently have nothing all that interesting to say tonight. </div><div><br /></div><div>goodnight all :) </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-62265376519846252782011-07-03T22:24:00.003-05:002011-07-03T22:43:12.806-05:00Defining Normal<a href="http://www.pnwrancher.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/110411normal.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 314px; height: 400px;" src="http://www.pnwrancher.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/110411normal.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>I was thinking today about what makes something "normal". What makes a behaviour normal, what pushes it over the line into abnormal? What makes a state of mind normal, and when does it become a problem? Who gets to decide what normal is? <div><br /></div><div>A little background, this issue came to mind as I was thinking about my reactions to some current stresses in my life with moving, home ownership, friends, and work. I'm perhaps particularly sensitive towards my reactions in light of the negative reaction of the insurance company towards my anxiety. Either way, as I stood in my shower crying, I asked myself, "is this normal?" I decided that it was, and that I am indeed having a healthy reaction towards stressful events in my life, but it got me thinking about how often I "make" that decision for other people as well. </div><div><br /></div><div>Working as a counsellor, I have a many, many clients who worry that they are not "normal", or in fact, label themselves as "crazy" and/or "nut jobs". As a general rule I am quick to reassure people that are "normal" and are not in fact "crazy", and I'm not sure I've ever really thought about what a enormous power that is. I tend not even to think about it, my instant reaction when someone tells me they're "crazy" is to defend them to themselves. I'm not proud of this reaction. I think perhaps a more helpful response and one I already do to some extent use, but should probably use more, is to explore what is going on for the person at that moment. What has led them to wonder if they are crazy, how might they describe similar behaviours/thoughts in someone else etc... Because really, do I know what normal is? I have a fairly good understanding that somethings are "not normal". For example, spending hours starring at a flag pole waiting to see if you can catch a glimpse of the wind is not generally considered mentally healthy, especially when the police have to remove you from said flagpole for your own safety. Spending more of your day in tears than out of tears is also not generally considered normal or healthy. The same goes for hearing voices, running through the streets naked, binge eating and then purging or a whole host of other behaviours. </div><div><br /></div><div>The behaviours I just talked about definitely fall more on the "not normal" side of things. But what about things like being anxious about a job interview? Perfectly normal, right? But what about when that anxiety makes it impossible for you to attend the interview and leaves you shaking in your bed? Not so normal anymore, right? Crying every day for two weeks might be considered a sign of depression, or a perfectly normal response to the death of a close friend or relative. </div><div><br /></div><div>I wonder if perhaps a better way to address the question of whether a person is "normal" or not, is to explore the issue further with them, and then to provide information. I think I do this, and maybe could do more of this. So for the person who asks me if crying every day for two weeks is normal, we would explore what had started this, what had happened before hand, what was triggering it etc... I can provide information about the symptoms of depression, or reactions to grief etc... This then could be normalizing, without coming out and using my power as the counsellor to declare someone normal or not normal. Because regardless of my intention and effort to label as a behaviour, there would always be the risk that this was taken as a judge of the whole person. </div><div><br /></div><div>I still have SO much more to say about this, but for tonight, this is all my eyes can stay open for. Stay tuned for next time when I look at whether "we" even want to be normal! </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-60265684787234321422011-07-01T18:39:00.004-05:002011-07-01T18:55:16.960-05:00stigma of mental illnessI really want to start blogging again. I keep trying, but it never seems to last for long. I'm going to give it a go again though. <div><br /></div><div>I've been thinking about the stigma of mental illness the past couple of days. It's something we talk to our clients about when do data collection and statistics (do you feel stigmatized in the community) but I've never really though of it in my own context. Up until yesterday, I had never felt stigmatized, or at least never identified any feelings as being feelings of stigma. However, the reason I have never felt stigmatized is because I don't exactly talk about my mental illness on a regular basis. My anxiety has always been a fairly private thing for me. Although people I am close to know that it is something I deal with and that I take medications for it and have gone to counselling, it's not something I talk about as being currently present in my life on a regular basis. Although, for the most part, it's under control, so maybe that is a part of it. In any case, it's not something I talk about with my coworkers or acquaintances, thus, no stigma. </div><div><br /></div><div>That brings me to now. And why I've suddenly become more awakened to the realities of stigma and mental illness. I recently bought a house (it's all mine in only 45 days!!!) When I signed my mortgage at the bank, I applied for mortgage insurance - life, health crisis, and disability. Two different companies underwrite the policies and I had to have a very in-depth phone interview with each of them. They asked me about each and every little thing that could possibly be wrong with me, plus about my family history of things. Now, because I have asthma and have a family history of cancer and heart disease I figured I would not qualify, oh, and I'm overweight. However, it never even occurred to me that I would get a letter stating you do not qualify for our insurance because of <b>your history of anxiety</b>. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was angry. Very angry. I have NEVER let my anxiety get in the way of me doing what I need to do. Never missed a day of work, never missed a day of school, I've never been hospitalized, or been to the hospital because of my anxiety. But there it was, in black letters telling me that I didn't qualify for something because I was mentally ill. I'd never put that in the context of my self before. Never let the anxiety stop me from something. I'm having to integrate this into my understanding of self, that because of the anxiety, there are some things that I simply cannot have. And I don't like it. </div><div><br /></div><div>Having this experience though, I hope, will help me grow. I happened to see my counsellor yesterday and she reminded me that TONS of people go on disability for stress related illness and so it kind of made sense that a history of anxiety would disqualify me from disability insurance (I still haven't got the results back on the life insurance). I am reminded, that for my clients, who have mental illness which affects their ability to work, there may often be much more of a stigma. It reminds me to, that I really do need to pay more attention to opportunities to fight stigma and be involved in more public education both on a small and a large level. I also need to decide if I want to appeal this decision, or make a bigger issue out of it, or just be passive, accept the decision and move on from here. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-74944290070878383302011-07-01T18:37:00.001-05:002011-07-01T18:37:36.412-05:00Sophie Cat - cool as a cucumber<p><a href='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguO7sHBI_ScLG2STE0mDT4whPSP5Zrd28pIquLgu7RSSe3_1DsSn5vuCsgXeuJrssvSx2Z8XWgeDXLJ3CCd336aDKJHDgu8A-DXdE4IcbWMSur3UElEwSEDYBcL7zOeV9TTqaoJhYrcGw/'><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguO7sHBI_ScLG2STE0mDT4whPSP5Zrd28pIquLgu7RSSe3_1DsSn5vuCsgXeuJrssvSx2Z8XWgeDXLJ3CCd336aDKJHDgu8A-DXdE4IcbWMSur3UElEwSEDYBcL7zOeV9TTqaoJhYrcGw/s400/Photo%252520Effects.jpg' /></a></p><div style='clear: both; text-align: center; font-size: xx-small;'>Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9</div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-39624985351412781732011-04-26T11:26:00.001-05:002011-04-26T11:26:15.311-05:00one of those days...Today I am bored. <br/> Today I am just not interested in doing my job. <br/> <br/> Yesterday our office was closed for Easter Monday. We didn't want to have to cancel or group, especially since it was cancelled on Good Friday as well, so 3 of us came in for the day. I got SO much paperwork done. It was wonderful. However, I kind of feel like I've hit a wall now. I somehow had no clients this morning, and being at my desk is just killing me. None of my clients have even phoned. Thank goodness i'm doing group this afternoon or I'd go completely crazy. <br/> <br/> So, other social workers, how do you deal with the paperwork mountain, or days when things are quieter? <div style='clear: both; text-align: center; font-size: xx-small;'>Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8</div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-1503561074939884392011-04-18T22:26:00.002-05:002011-04-18T22:28:43.169-05:00days of non appearancesToday I had one of those days where no one wants to see or talk to their counsellor. My intake didn't show up, my appointment after that cancelled. World's quickest phone calls with a couple other clients. I used the time to attempt to clean my desk and run over to the pest control place with our latest trapped beg bug, but still, it would be nice to see clients once in a while...Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-41625724974787545102011-04-17T21:16:00.004-05:002011-04-17T21:43:32.564-05:00a less whiny post about bachelorette parties<div><br /></div><div><img src="http://www.party902.com/images/Bachelorette_Party_Center_Piece_60095.jpg" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" border="0" alt="" /></div>So, I've had a lot more time to calm down and think seriously about this whole Bachelorette party thing from both a personal and more general perspective and I thought I'd share some of my thoughts. <div><br /></div><div>For starters, my friend's bachelorette party is not going to be totally crazy or horribly sexual or anything like that. Some wine, appetizers, and conversation, perhaps with a few games at one of the bridesmaid's places, and then off to the bar for some dancing. Now personally, I hate the bar, I've locked up a few too many drunk people in my day (working in the drunk tank) to enjoy being around a whole bunch of drunk people, however, it's her day, so I suppose I will go. </div><div><br /></div><div>In theory, I like the idea of a bachelorette party. It's a nice way for the girls to get together and celebrate the bride and mark the change that is about to occur in her life. You get to play fun games, maybe be a little bit "kinky" and let loose a bit. I'm all about that. I see absolutely nothing wrong with drinking a bit, eating a bit, and laughing a lot. I think it's great. For me, where it becomes a problem is when it becomes more than that, when it turns into something degrading, cruel and dangerous. </div><div><br /></div><div>First of all, there's the degradation of both males <i>and</i> females. The male part is easy, we put up plastic penises (and by we, I simply mean females), we scour the bars looking for them in order to exploit them for drinks and/or money and we mock them. One might say that a bachelorette party is a way of expressing ones feminism and celebrate being female, however, I tend to disagree. I read about one game in which the bride to be has lifesavers pinned all over her shirt and men pay her in order to suck on her shirt, degrading to both parties if you ask me. The same goes for getting points for getting a man to buy you a drink, let you sit on his lap, or let you kiss him. Degrading for both parties. The entire idea of a bachelorette "gone wild" shows women to be drunk sex objects, rather than human beings. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then there's the sex thing. These type of parties turn sex into a commodity, human sexuality into something to be bought and sold, won and lost, a subject to be joked about, trivialized and made into a show. And here's the thing, if you ask me, sex isn't those things. Sex is something precious and personal that happens between two (or I suppose more) people. Our culture says that sex is nothing, that it's just something that happens, that it's casual, that it's "no big deal", but I really don't agree with that. I think sex is something much deeper, much more meaningful, and leaves a deeper impression on people than our society would like us to believe. </div><div><br /></div><div>Old fashioned as this idea may be, I believe that anything that happens at a bachelorette should be something that the groom to be would not be hurt, disappointed, or disgusted to find out about. That's not to say that there shouldn't be girly sharing, laughing, and giggling, and that some things should never leave the room, just as a general principle, if you wouldn't do it around your husband, you probably shouldn't be doing it at your party. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, for any of you reading this who may at some point plan be a bachelorette party, take note. I don't want to go to a bar, I don't want there to be giant plastic penises everywhere, and I don't want to go trolling for men. What I want, is to spend some quality time with my girlfriends, have a lot of laughs, eat some food (cheesecake anyone?) and drink some wine. </div><div><br /></div><div>(maybe some day I'll get around to talking about bachelor parties, although really, I have pretty much the same views on them too). </div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-90396945488715273472011-04-16T22:41:00.004-05:002011-04-16T23:01:22.898-05:00Things I am<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoUR8U1R7vuRa27VlremFCmKZ5MSsLJ_5qngs_0uhwKY16UB9ofsK539ZkepeW27DxhoQ714AlT75FJTAqjAwWzjNpUKFDA5Mw-lepps01i2dNaNRe5biIuMfLddvGy1haTx1ZIUQm7js/s1600/Phone+Pictures+139.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="text-align: left;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 130px; " src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoUR8U1R7vuRa27VlremFCmKZ5MSsLJ_5qngs_0uhwKY16UB9ofsK539ZkepeW27DxhoQ714AlT75FJTAqjAwWzjNpUKFDA5Mw-lepps01i2dNaNRe5biIuMfLddvGy1haTx1ZIUQm7js/s200/Phone+Pictures+139.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596393877858458786" /></a><br />In a follow up to my last post about things I am not, I thought I should probably make a more positive post, and so, for therapeutic value, and your reading pleasure, a list of things I AM. <div><br /></div><div>- Awake and dreaming</div><div>- a little bit Bossy</div><div>- a total and Complete Cat person (oh, and I'm a Counsellor)</div><div>- awake and Dreaming</div><div>- Excellent yet not egotistical</div><div>- Friendly</div><div>- loves to play board Games</div><div>- a bit of a Homebody</div><div>- Intelligent</div><div>- Joyful</div><div>- Kind, caring and compassionate</div><div>- Loving, learning, listening and leading</div><div>- becoming Mindful</div><div>- getting better with Nutrition</div><div>- Opinionated </div><div>- takes Pride in the things she's done</div><div>- not Quite a Quiet person</div><div>- Reader</div><div>- Shy Social worker </div><div>- Tenacious </div><div>- Usually on time</div><div>- Very Vocal</div><div>- able to Withstand a great deal </div><div>- XXIV </div><div>- i <3 Yoga </div><div>- a to Z of me. I feel as though I could go on forever. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887701053197945139.post-58729893128990711232011-04-10T18:01:00.004-05:002011-04-10T18:47:43.599-05:00Things I am not<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwlaeOf4wqZUb8aoAGmQL6MzLpSBdB3W7RyDk7dyyd4KVwrDfx2HTeoVSHodmXKqczrDtrT8IIsPsjLGBVeP2pBMylCnjwGsbPCN2txGD9zbkYo9Xd5EDVkKrPRWHHvJJ7HlT7vDZ_Cu0/s1600/bachelorette-party-gifts-3.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 199px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwlaeOf4wqZUb8aoAGmQL6MzLpSBdB3W7RyDk7dyyd4KVwrDfx2HTeoVSHodmXKqczrDtrT8IIsPsjLGBVeP2pBMylCnjwGsbPCN2txGD9zbkYo9Xd5EDVkKrPRWHHvJJ7HlT7vDZ_Cu0/s200/bachelorette-party-gifts-3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594097108303753746" /></a>Things I am not: <div>- A good housekeeper</div><div>- Entirely organized</div><div>- Good at sports</div><div>- All the creative</div><div>- A GOOD PARTY PLANNER!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am just not. I love my friend who is getting married, I love her dearly, and I am SO blessed to be in her wedding party. It is an honour to stand with her as she professes her love for her husband to be. However, I am NOT a party planner. The wedding shower was easy, because her aunts took care of it, although to be honest, I feel like I could have pulled that one off. The bachelorette party however, wow. It turns out none of the bridesmaids are good party planners. And my poor friend is upset, because she is worried that we're going to plan her some lame party. And in a way, so am I, but I also know that it's not the planning that's going to make the party, it's the people, and the time that's had. And I know if she goes into it thinking it's going to be lame, it probably is going to be lame. If she'll give it a chance though, I'm sure it'll turn out just fine. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then there's the other part, the sex part. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with the idea of sex, because I'm not, and I think that there will obviously have to be some dirty, kinky, content, reading the party ideas online makes me sick. They seem to be all about women throwing themselves all over men, and I guarantee I am not sitting on any strange dude's lap to win a prize or trying to get random guys to buy me drinks, it's just not happening. Oh, and the alcohol part. The idea of any game which involves people doing lots of shots scares me as well, for a few reasons, not the least of which being the money. But then there's the whole I hate being around drunk people thing, and the, I think it's stupid thing, and the whole, oh yeah, I THINK IT'S STUPID. I have spent too many years working in the drunk tank to have any desire to get drunk, particularly in a large group of people, and I have even less desire to be around a group of drunk people. I got paid to do that last night for 8 hours, I don't necessarily need to do that for free. </div><div><br /></div><div>On the other hand, I very much realize that this is NOT about me. This is so not about me at all, it's about my friend, and what she wants, and what will make her happy, and more than anything else in this situation, I want to make her happy. </div><div><br /></div><div>edited to add: I can't believe how demeaning to men this entire thing seems to be. It's just horrible and awful and sickening. </div><div><br /></div>Awake and Dreaminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13257495492315814077noreply@blogger.com5