Friday, July 25, 2008

mood swings and me

Every now and again I have a crazy weird mood swing. Not often, not once a month, maybe once or twice a year? It really depends. Before therapy and well, becoming not a teenager I used to be permanently this way, a mood swing was what happened when I was the "normal" I am now. Anyway, today seems to be mood swing day. I can only do self care, take deep breaths, and hope it swings back the other way soon.

When I'm in this mood I'm in, I'm impulsive, agitated, and well, I have a habit of hurting the people I love the most. Last time I wound up getting in a week long fight with best friend. This time, well, let's just say my day has not been...good. I was not my usual caring, compassionate self at work. Went straight from work to street ministry where I extremely impulsively took a man's sniff from him and dumped it on the street; and made best friend help. I was not understanding with one of our guests who is very mentally ill, or with the one who is quite rude to me. And now I'm at home. Rather ashamed of myself, but biting my tongue and posting here to keep from emailing anyone because my emails tend to get me in trouble when I'm feeling like this (ie cause week long fight with best friend).

I am going to be compassionate with myself. I deserve it. I work a hard job, and going from work to street ministry is NOT the best thing (thankfully with my night job starting I won't be doing it any more). There's a lot of change happening in my life right now, and I'm stressed about my sermon for Sunday (well, for the next three Sundays). So, my sermon is in my head. Right now, it's just going to have to stay there I think, unless I suddenly become inspired, because I really need to relax tonight. Maybe write some more about homelessness, and philosophy, tell some GOOD client stories, we'll see, we'll see.

No comments: