Sunday, July 13, 2008

Frustrated


I'm frustrated by homelessness, intoxication, addiction etc... but mostly be homelessness. I have a firmer grasp and understanding of the other two.

I was sitting on the fence at street ministry (literally, not metaphorically), watching as people enjoyed our barbecue, and I just felt this overwhelming weight on top of me, and this great frustration. It's hard to explain. No an "oh my goodness I can't do this" type weight, more of an "wow, this is stupid". And sort of a massive frustration with the people we were serving.

I have to tell you, I'm the first to be empathetic and over protective of my clients. I care about them (both individually and more so collectively) a lot. But, sometimes I get MAD at them (both individually and collectively). I get mad at them for taking another drink, I get mad at them for being dirty, I get mad at them for blaming other people for their problems. And yet, I see the bigger picture, and realize that nobody grows up dreaming of being homeless.

I don't know. I just know that working among the homeless challenges my views of homelessness which were already challenged by my work among the homeless. I realize that makes absolutely no sense. Let me try and explain. Society has views of homelessness. I grew up having different views because of my father's job, and my jobs etc... Now, those views are getting challenged as well. The more time I spend, the more complicated things seem to be!

2 comments:

cb said...

I would find it difficult to do your job. Being challenged is tough I think but it can also be quite liberating in some ways.

Still Dreaming said...

sometimes I'm not sure I can do my job. most of the time though... it's okay. I like having my thoughts challenged...it's just overwhelming sometimes