Saturday, February 7, 2009

reflections on who I am

Today during yoga I was reflecting on things and I started thinking a lot about how shy I am.  Reading that may surprise some of you who read my blog, because I'm fairly sure that I don't come across as shy... or maybe I do, who knows.  

The thing is, my shyness doesn't come across in my work at all.  At the beginning of my first social work practicum it totally did.  I could barely say a word to the clients and picking up the phone was terrifying.  I'm sure my first supervisor still remembers me as the girl who would do ANYTHING to send an email instead of use a telephone.  Now though, I'll phone just about anywhere with barely a second thought... as long as I'm at work, and I'll talk to just about anyone... as long as I'm at work.  Same thing when I started volunteering with the homeless.  I stuck to talking to the people who made an effort to talk to me, I certainly never reached out, now I'm standing there at the door and sitting down at random tables.  But then, there's the rest of my life. 

It occured to me as I was walking to yoga, that the reason I still haven't manged to make it to a class I really want to is because I'm too scared of something new.  It's in a different room then my normal yoga and so I don't want to go there on my own.  Bestest bud came to my first yoga class with me, and since then I've been fine, but seriously, I sometimes feel like telling myself "get a grip".  I can't talk to the new people at church, I can't talk to clerks in stores, I can't even phone my own friends have the time.  It's ridiculous, and when my anxiety gets worse, so does the shyness.  I have no idea what I'm scared of, but it's paralysing sometimes.  

anyway, just some randomness about me as I reflect... 

4 comments:

Torina said...

I am exactly the same way :) I can do it at work but not at home...that is why I LOVE the internet :)

antiSWer said...

Just to steal a snippet out of there, I'd love to hear more about your practicum experiences. Mainly just what kind of organization they were in, what you got out of it, etc.

As for the rest, we're a lot alike in the shyness thing. I despise the phone and still have to psyche myself up to use it sometimes. It's a lot easier than it used to be, but still a struggle.

Lee said...

I'm like that too. I an at time's seem like a very extroverted non-shy person. Like when I work at computer camp. But when I'm out of my comfort zone I go back into my little shell.
I hate telephones. I mean I can call my family members fine. But almost anyone else and I feel very anxious about it.

Still Dreaming said...

I remember the time you tried to phone me Lee!

It's nice to know there are other people who have the same problem with shyness and yet manage to function quite well.