For the most part, I’ve been doing pretty well working without any proper supervision. As I’ve said before, it’s nice not to have to over analyze every single little thing I do. Most of the people I work with are completely uninterested in debrief and reflection and are simply there to do their job and go home again. I really wish there was something more though. After the whole CPR thing my boss got me to come “check in” with him about how I was doing, but it just felt, empty... So now, you get to hear all the things I wish I could have said to my boss or supervisor (oh wait, I was the supervisor that night... well, to my boss anyway).
For starters, I feel like I handled the whole situation really well. I’m quite proud of myself actually. I’ve been put in this position of authority with no extra training, no extra feedback, no nothing, only “seniority” which really isn’t very much. It’s just been expected of me that I’d be in charge, because I’ve been there longer than other people. This particular night showed me that I can be a good leader, but that there are also areas that I need to work on. Yes, the CPR/live saving/hero thing was a part of that night, but it wasn’t the only part of that night, and it was actually one of the least frustrating parts, if I was honest.
I am not pleased with the way I treated one of my coworkers. I’m not upset with what I did persay, because I think it was necessary, but I still wish I’d been able to do things differently. Asking me about letting the drop in clients in for coffee when I’m literally in the middle of doing chest compressions just doesn’t sit well with me. I’m sorry, it doesn’t. And while I’m not a rude person generally, it’s hard for me to be polite when I have a guy with no heartbeat on the floor beneath me. So, yes, I snapped at you, but seriously, can you say bad timing??
I’d love to talk about whether that was where I should have been. I have a tendency to insert myself into situations, although I’m really trying to work on that. As the shift manager, should I have been down in a drunk tank cell doing CPR when there was still the rest of the building to worry about. If I’d been upstairs and sent this co-worker down, there wouldn’t have been any questions to snap at, but is it right to ask someone to do CPR? I mean, it’s part of our job, but I also know they’ve been a bit lax on that lately, and I remember him saying recently that he was “about” to take his training... I am confident in my CPR abilities (and managed to remember lots of important stuff – even head tilt/chin lifts). So I felt like I needed to be there. Plus, I sort of stumbled on it when I went to check on what was happening. So, what exactly should the role of the shift manager be, or is it again situational, as I wrote about a few days ago.
Finally, there’s the fact that only 1 in 7 people whose hearts have stopped and CPR is performed on will live. So realistically, if this happens again, and if I stay at my job, it will, the person probably won’t live to try and assault the paramedics.
Things to ponder, things to ponder...