duldrums

If you ask me, there's always a let down when you come back from vacation.  Sometimes I'm home sick, but not this time.  This time I just wanted my holiday to go on forever.  I missed Sophie cat, and my church, but really, I was soooooo happy to be away from everything.  

I'm full of feelings today.  I go back to work in 12 minutes or so, or well, that's when I need to get off the couch and start the car, but I'm just not sure I'm ready.  I feel like I could sit here, on this couch, for a few days longer and be quite content.  The thing about being full of feelings, is that I'm having a hard time naming them/identifying them.  I just feel... heavy.  

My therapist used to try and get me to figure out where I was feeling things in my body, we did tons of Internal Family Systems work (IFS) and it was incredibly frustrating to me.  I just was NOT that in touch with myself.  The rest of IFS was awesome and really changed me, but finding things in my body... well, if I had to find things in my body today, I'd say I felt all this in my head.  Maybe it's a sign I'm getting a sinus infection or ear infections, but I don't know.  I just know that I feel heavy and my head feels heavy and full.  

I kind of feel like this is a time when I should be reaching out to my support systems, but I'm not sure what I would say.  There's nothing actually wrong, I just know something's not right.  I think part of me is also hoping that once I get back to work and see my clients and catch up on things it will be better as well.  Maybe once I have a cup of coffee??  

(ps. that's me up there)