Things that keep me sane right now

I can't remember the last time that I didn't have something to do. I would guess that it was the summer between grade 10 and grade 11, about eleven years ago. Even then, I babysat more days than I didn't, and worked at gymnastics camp, so if we're really looking back, the last time I had this long a break would have to be when I was about twelve.

It's been two whole weeks of unemployment. It's definitely a BIG change for me.

I started school when I was five, I did the normal kindergarten to grade 12. I worked the summer between grade 12 and university, and for the next four years I worked/took classes/went to practicum and worked over the summer. I started my first "real" job the day after my graduation. Each time I've switched jobs I've taken less than a week to make the transition. Now, I'm finally having a real and true break. It's weird.

The first week was kind of nice, I babysat a couple of times, had a couple of appointments, kept myself busy. Last week was a little harder, but for the most part, I found a daily activity, something to get me out of the house, this upcoming week, who knows. But, there are some things keeping me sane, and so, in typical me fashion, I close this post with, a list.

Things that keep me sane right now:
- setting my alarm clock
- having a reason to get up each day (without one, I just don't get up)
- the alarm clock on my coffee maker
- daily yoga practice
- the gym
- my friends
- getting out EVERY day
- planning ahead, so there's always something to fill my time
- being nice to myself
- taking things slow
- daily job search
- eating
- sleeping at night

and I'm sure many other things, but that's it for now!

on disclosure and/or did I tell you that?

That's a picture of her highness madam Sophie Cat licking out the inside of an empty cat food bag. I always give them the bag to play with, but I've never seen her disappear completely into it until tonight. The picture reminds me of being a counsellor in some ways, because for the most part, we stick a lot of our personal lives away in back corner and we don't talk about them with clients; they only see a little piece of us, like the tail sticking out of the bag. It's not a perfect metaphor, but the picture works for today's topic.

As a counsellor, I try to be quite "real" with clients. I share perhaps slightly more about my personal life than some, but I think for the most part, I really am quite guarded. All of my clients know I like cats, of course, they can't help but know as soon as they set foot in my office. Many of them also know that I have a second job and where it is, and I'm okay with that. For the most part though, that's it. I see know point in giving out information about my personal life unless it's relevant to the client and in their best interests. The point of counselling is certainly not for me to tell MY story. When I do groups I think I tend to share more of myself, simply because I am constantly having to come up with examples. Even then, they mostly revolve around fairly generic things, such as the fact that I have friends, and a family, nothing very specific.

Because of the above, it surprised me, when a client recently commented not just on me moving into my house, but on me getting a roommate. You see, I very much do NOT remember telling her this, and I'm really not sure why I would have. I might have shared with the group she was in that I was moving (and honestly it was probably in the context of cats, and how they don't like change, and how people don't either), but I have no idea why I would talk about the roommate thing. I didn't tell my family till yesterday. I mentioned the situation to a couple people on my team and the best we can figure is that the client must have over heard me talking to my coworkers at some point, listened, and remembered. Either that or I'm really not paying attention to what I'm saying.

I think, regardless of how the client found out about the details of my life, it's a reminder to watch what I say at work. I need to be more mindful about disclosure and make sure I am keeping the focus on the client, including the small talk we make. It also means that I probably need to watch my volume and watch where I am talking to coworkers, especially remembering that the room we eat lunch in has vents which carry sound quite far. There are definitely some things I share with coworkers, particularly over lunch, that I wouldn't want my clients to know about.

As professionals, there is so much power in what we say, and I think it's good to remind myself o this more often than I do. Words have power, and clients pay attention to what we say. Time to start paying closer attention to my words.

Melancholy

Melancholy: a deep, pensive, and long lasting sadness.

I think that melancholy might be a good word to describe how I'm feeling right now. It's hard to explain really. When my naturopath asked me today, the best I could come up with was "contemplative" and that didn't quite do it, so I thought about it some more, and melancholy really seems to fit, especially the part about being pensive. I'm not sure quite what I'm thinking about, and some of it's definitely good, but I'm definitely thinking, and pondering, and just generally, pensive.

The number one thing on my mind these days is "growing up". Now, I don't mean that in the way of now I'm not a kid anymore, I've just noticed lately, that I'm more grown up and more comfortable in my roles than I used to be. I've been working with a few people at the shelter lately who've been younger than me (which is a nice change, to be honest) and it's started to really strike me just how much I've grown and changed since I started working there more than three years ago, and for the most part, in a good way. When I started working there, everything was new and exciting, and I had story after story after story to tell. I was enthusiastic, wanting to learn, and always looking for something to do. I see that a lot in our new staff, especially some of the younger ones. Now, it's not that I'm not enthusiastic, and I don't do extra stuff, and I still LOVE learning and hearing people's stories, that stuff is still all true, I guess it's just that I've settled into my role. It doesn't need to be exciting anymore though, I'm okay with quiet shifts; if there's nothing to do, I'm okay with sitting back and observing. Situations that I might have found exciting, or scary, or challenging in the past are no longer quite so extreme. I don't think I've hardened or become bitter, I just think I've adapted, gained experience and gained confidence. I've also gotten a lot more experienced in how things work in terms of policies, staff dynamics, and client dynamics, which helps A LOT when working in social services. New staff ask me questions, and now lots of times the answer is "I've stopped asking" (I haven't decided if that's good or not, one gave me a great ethical dilemma that I'm still mulling over).

And then there's my full time job. I've been working as a social worker/counsellor for more than two years now and I am now the most senior person on my team. Some days I feel like I'm really comfortable in my role, that I'm a good counsellor, other days, I feel like I'm just playing at my job and not really doing anything. I realize that's normal and I may never get over it, I've just been thinking about it a lot more lately. Counselling is such a hard thing to evaluate though, in other professions I might be able to have objective measures of how things are going, but I find it very hard to figure out this. I mean, most clients thank me and make another appointment and are hopefully moving towards there goals, but there are also a huge chunk of clients who drop off the face of the earth, or who don't move towards the program goal (employment) and I have to close their file whether they like it or not. (Someday I will work in a program that does not have a specific end result and where success is not measured by only one outcome, and my job security does not depend on the percentage of clients who meet that goal).

Finally there's me as a person. I've had a few different people lately compliment me on how friendly and how nice I am. I have a hard time with this. Not because I don't believe that I'm friendly and nice, because I am, but because I feel like I haven't been putting any effort into being friendly and nice and there is so much more I could be doing. I almost feel like I've been avoiding being friendly and nice, and yet, here I am, getting these compliments. This both confuses me and gives me hope. I'm glad that I am coming across that way, because it's the person I want to be, but I wish I could see it in myself. I guess I'll just have to watch harder!

quick update

I got Sophie Cat shaved for the summer. She was NOT impressed. Not impressed at all. I think she secretly likes it though, SO much less fur for her to have to worry about. This lack of fur makes her a lot cooler and I worry less about her spending her summer in my top floor apartment.

Speaking of apartments. I bought a house. 17 more days until I get possession! I'm super excited, and super nervous. And there is of course the part where I HATE moving. It is just not my idea of a good time in any way, shape, or form. I fully intend on staying in my new little house until I have a really good reason to leave (and for the record, getting too much stuff, not a good reason to leave, that's just a good reason to get ride of stuff).

I'm still working both my jobs, but I have to say, working in an employment agency just has so much less excitement to it compared with working in the shelter overnight. I mean, it's a good job and all, just not as exciting. I really do like getting to use more of my social work skills and less of my babysitting skills though.

Also, I'm going to Africa in May. With my church, on a mission trip, not just randomly going or anything, but I'm quite nervous about it. I've never been off the continent and never even considered going to Africa until this year. We'll see how it goes. I know God will be with me, but it scares me like crazy.

and... that's all?! I apparently have nothing all that interesting to say tonight.

goodnight all :)

The frustrations of a time limited program

I work in a program which is supposed to be a one year employment program for adults with mental health concerns. It's a great program and I have a great job. The one thing that frustrates me is that because of the way we're funded, it's only supposed to be a year.

In one sense, the limited nature of the funding means that we are constantly pushing ourselves to work hard as our contract gets renewed at the end of each year based on the fact that a certain percentage of our clients find employment. Unfortunately, our funding is not based on a percentage of our clients maintaining employment or finding the job that works for them.

Our program starts with four weeks of preemployment workshops/groups/classes, whatever you want to call them. They're half day and are supposed to help people get back in the routine of working. They're quite structured and we take attendance and have small homework expectations, mostly reflections. We cover things like stress management, assertiveness, problem solving, cover letters, interviews etc... It's great. The problem is though, that sometimes after the workshops there's a big let down and/or clients discover they aren't quite ready to commit to looking for work. They need more TIME.

Then there's the mental illness factor. I don't know about most people, but at least with my anxiety, while there are some patterns to it, there are also times I really don't see it coming. The same is true for my clients, and often what is needed is more TIME to stabilize. Unfortunately, the lack of stability often sees us discharging clients when perhaps the routine and support of our program is what they need the most.

And finally, for today at least. There's the employment support factor. We provide people with an employment support counsellor to help them keep their jobs. But lots of times issues don't surface in the first three or six months of a job, they come a bit later. Or people lose one job, get another, and don't have much time to work with employment support to plan how to not lose their current job.

This isn't the world's most coherent post, but I really wanted to get back to posting about social work, and this is a start!

second guessing

I'm second guessing myself today. I don't usually do that. In general, I'm pretty good at leaving work and work and not thinking about it once I get home. Every now and again though, there's a situation which gets under my skin. A decision I made that I'm just not sure about. Today is one of those days.

there's a cat on my head.

My orange cat is on my head right now. NOT impressed. Oh well.

So, big revelation of the week. I need to SLOW DOWN! Yesterday I came into the office and got right down to business. Things with the student and with new staff had left me kind of overwhelmed, but I came into the office ready to get back on top of the pile and jump start my week.

Well, I not only got on top of the pile, but I just kept climbing. See, I have a habit of being very intense. It's a really ADHD thing (which I've never formally been diagnosed with, but well, I fit all the symptoms...) Anyway, it's that ADHD thing where you can focus really intently on something you're interested in and you just zone right in, but then in other scenarios you're just bored out of your mind and can't focus at all. SO, what I'm trying to say is that I did a TON of work yesterday and really didn't leave a lot for the rest of the week. Or maybe it's that I did all the "interesting" work yesterday, and have boring stuff left for the rest of the week.

See the thing is, yesterday I went through my case load and checked up on them all. Hadn't heard from them? Gave them a call. Missing information? Tracked it down. Needed a letter sent? Wrote the letter and sent it etc... Did I do any class prep or group development? Nope. Now, maybe this is good, but guess which part of being a social worker I like best, class development or dealing with clients...

I'm still working on finding that balance in my day. Finding the time and the pattern so that I spend a good amount of time on my various tasks. Fridays are almost always saved for catching up on my documentation/administration stuff, and since my clients never show up on Fridays I've basically stopped booking their appointments for then. I tend to have most of my clients on Wednesday when we have our job search group, and the rest fall in on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. I lead class/group on a completely irregular schedule. And I usually see evening clients on Wednesdays.

Basically, what I'm saying is that for me, as it is with a lot of people, it's a lot easier for me to do the counselling/advocacy part of my job then it is to do all the paperwork that comes with it.

learning contract

So I haven't given you guys an update on my social work student since my panic earlier this month. I had NO idea having a student would be this much work. Or well, I sort of did, but really, it's A LOT of work! I think I'm settling into a routine with her now though, which is really helpful. There was one week when I came into work an hour early on the days she was there as well as leaving late so that I could get all my work done while still spending time with her. Of course, I also had to work on training our new counsellor, so I was trying to do a crazy amount of work...

So, things I've learned so far (some of which I was warned about, some of which I'm figuring out on my own).

1. Having a student makes you hyper aware of what you are doing. I haven't had someone observe one of my counselling session since I did a video session in third year university. Now I have someone observing and critiquing my counselling. I also have to pay a lot more attention to how I spend my time because two days a week, there's someone watching everything I do.

2. I need to slow down. I always need to slow down, so this isn't actually new, however, having a student forces me to take the time to slow down and really think about what I am doing and why.

3. Shoes are an important thing. I have a habit of not wearing shoes while at work. I wear them when I see clients, but other then that... It drives my boss crazy, and if she "made" me wear them, I would make more of an effort, but mostly she just shakes her head. However, now that I have a student, I've started thinking about what kind of an example I'm setting as a professional, and realizing... hmmm shoes... probably a good thing.

4. Having a student makes me go back to basics. I found her my "basic counselling responses" text book and took a good look at it myself. It made me think about some of those basic things which have in a way become second nature to me.

5. Having a student also brings me back to some of that "impostor syndrome" I've felt in the past. That whole, I can't do this, who am I to be calling me a social worker type thing. Only in this case, it's all about not screwing the poor girl up or having her expose me as a fake.

On the whole, I really like having a student. I think she's going to bring a lot to our organization. Having a student means we all act a little "sharper", but it also means we get a new perspective, someone who is right now reading the most current up to the date stuff and learning lots of great things in school. I enjoy helping some one else learn about their passions, about social work and about being a professional. I love reading her reflections and trying to challenge her thinking and get her to explore some of her own strengths and weaknesses. I hopefully will get to keep doing this, because I think it is such a wonderful thing.

falling

So get this. I fell down my apartment stairs this morning on my way to work. I've complained on here before about feeling like I have ear problems, well, this doesn't make me feel any better. Thankfully, I caught myself, and my coffee mug fell much further then I did. I have a sore ankle and shin, but other then that, I seem to be okay. I was able to shake it off, put on different (safer) shoes and go to work a few minutes late. I am WAY to young to feel this old though. At 23 I should not be worrying about falling down the stairs, constant ear aches, sinus pain and well, feeling completely crappy all the time. I see my doctor next week though and I plan on be very assertive.

Work was okay today. Nothing all that exciting, well, one of my clients got a job, that was exciting. I'm so happy for her! However, as I mentioned previously, it's a lot easier for our job developers to know that they did a good intervention then it is to evaluate all the work the two of us did in counselling, the advocacy pieces I did with her and the community referrals, all of which helped get her to the point where she was confident enough to interview well.

Workshop

I don't know if I've ever mentioned on here just how hard it is for me to sit still. I'm pretty sure I have, but in any case, I'll say it again... I CAN'T SIT STILL! I mean, I do fine in counselling session, but I limit those to an hour, and when I lead groups I'm up at the whiteboard a lot. I can fidgit all I want when I'm just doing paperwork and no one cares if I walk up and down the hall or take a trip to the photocopy room. Why does this matter? Well, today I have to sit kind of still...

Today I am going to the first of four workshops about how not to screw up my social work student. This is a good thing. I really don't want to screw her up! BUT, I also can't say I'm all that excited about having to go to school all day. Especially because it's at the other university in town, not the one I went to. So it's unfamiliar, I don't know the presenters etc... My hope is that someone from my school will be taking it. See all first year practicum supervisors from that university have to take it, so there should be someone from my class there, you would think. I'm sure it will be fine.

During the workshop today we get all sorts of information about how to get things set up, their learning contracts and deadlines and stuff. We also have to do things about our supervision styles, learning styles and stuff like that. That's the part I'm not excited about. Although I'm an extrovert, I'm not a huge fan of meeting large groups of new people and having small group discussions with them. Oh well.

In anycase, I gotta get out of here. It's wonderful to be able to sleep in, but I suppose I do have to leave eventually. I was planning to take the bus, so I wouldn't have to park, but I finally decided I'm just going to drive afterall. It's funny, becaues last year at this time I didn't have a car yet and I took the bus EVERYWHERE or rode my bike, and now I'm so used to the car.

and, in other news, the cats are fighting...must.go.end.cat fight.

Hearing Voices - Workshop

Last week I went to a fascinating workshop called "Hearing Voices that are Distressing". It's based on the idea that a person can experience hearing voices, as someone with schizophrenia might, the same way a person can experience a physical disability by being in a wheelchair for a day.

The first part of the workshop was general discussion/information about schizophrenia/psychosis and the organization which held the workshop. Next though, was the really interesting part.

Each person put on a pair of headphones and pressed play on a tape. The tape mimiced the voices that the workshop creator has experienced in her life. Then we were put through a mock psych assessment at a contrived psychiatric hospital. We had to do a mini mental status exam, a cognitive assessment and a reading comprehension test. The "staff" (workshop leadership) behaved in a very cold and clinical (old school clinical) way. We also had to go on a "errand" out in the community and write down some information, all while wearing the headphones and hearing the voices. I was definitely a one of a kind experience.

I found that all I wanted to do was sit down and listen to the voices. I didn't want to do any of the other stuff at all, for me, it really opened my eyes to why someone hearing voices might isolate themselves. Other people found themselves listening to the directions of the voices (stop it, put your hands down etc...) while others found themselves very frightened and frustrated. And we all knew that the voices were a tape!

Afterwards there was a debrief time, and even though I'm normally a very talkative person all I wanted to do was go home and rest. I felt soooooo over stimulated. Of course I had to work though, and go to a goodbye party...

Overall, it was a great workshop, and if you ever have the chance to do something similar I would highly recommend it!

Social Worker...

Here we have a picture of me giving Oliver Lockhart a bath. He looks sort of like I've been feeling.

I finally feel like a social worker, for all the wrong reasons. I feel like a social worker because my case load suddenly doubled because the other counsellor is leaving. I feel like a social worker because our 8 person team only has 6 people, one of whom just got fired. I feel like a social worker because I have tension in my back. I feel like a social worker because I sometimes take at least a full day to respond to my clients phone calls, and I'm often a day behind on my documentation.

Fortuntately, the good stuff keeps me going.

I feel like a social worker because I can see that there are clients whose lives I am making a difference in. I feel like a social worker because people respect my opinion, even though I rarely give it. I feel like a social worker because I can write letters of support for people to other professionals and believe that they'll mean something. I feel like a social worker because I finally have work to do all day instead of reading "Stuff Christians Like" all morning. I feel like a social worker because I'm finally starting to understand the ins and outs of the multiple systems that make up "the system" even though I thought I knew them before. I feel like a social worker because I KNOW that I'll never learn it all.

Tomorrow I'm headed to a workshop for the morning, then a goodbye lunch for the other counsellor, and then we'll see. I have a counselling session booked and I have to fix a letter I'm writing for my supervisor/team.

My spiritual director taught me a very neat prayer that dates back over 1000 years. It is a simple reflection on that which you are most grateful for and that which you are least grateful for. Today it is as follows:

I am most grateful for an evening spent with the cats, tea and a mystery novel (as well as a couple episodes of The Simpsons). I am least grateful for the stress at work which causes me tension and for the stomach ache I've had on and off today.

don't give up on me yet!

Hello faithful readers of this blog. this is a message to say. Don't give up on me yet! One of these days there will be more awesome social work blogging! I'm enjoying my new job a lot, but it's not as exciting as working at the shelter, that's for sure, and I find I don't have as many things to write about. Besides that, I sometimes feel like I spend all day at the computer, and the last thing I want to do when I get home is more typing. But, it will come. I love to write, I'm just not in a writing season it seems.

Things are going well. The cats are very slowly getting used to each other. And by that I mean Sophie Cat is slowly getting used to having Oliver Lockhart around. She still hisses if he gets to close, and all he wants to do is be friends! Thankfully Oliver still is put in a different room at night, and Sophie and I get some peace. Having a young cat is "exciting", he gets into EVERYTHING! But I love him!

I went and donated blood today. If you're eligible to donate blood I highly recommend doing. It's an hour out of your day every eight weeks (or more of course) and you can save up to three lives. It means so much to someone, and it doesn't hurt you at all. Well, the initial needle poke hurts a bit, but other then that. Of course, not everyone is eligible because there are a million and one things that disqualify you, but apparently only 3% of those eligible donate. Summer is a time when they need more blood and have less donors, so seriously, consider donating. If you ever wondered how you could give more to charity with no money, well remember, donating blood is free! (So that's today's plug for that)

A typical day (week) at the office

This is my office... or well, my desk. The picture is taken standing in between my two chairs. My sister asked me today what a typical day at my job was like. I had a hard time answering because all my days are different, I can definitely talk about a typical week though! So here it goes.

My day always starts by checking the news online. Our secretary always manages to get the paper copy of the newspaper first, so I read the internet version. I do this while absorbing my coffee and getting caffienne into my blood stream. Ideally I do this before I'm forced to talk to people. I also go over my calendar and my client chart to see if there's anything that needs doing right away. I might highlight things that need to be accomplished that day.

Next, I'll probably go and visit my coworkers for a little bit, especially my "buddy" the other counsellor. We generally check in about what our days are like and if there's anything the other person should know about.

After that I generally go back to my office and work on paper work for a while. Maybe I'm typing up an intake summary, a discharge summary, an employment placement plan etc... maybe I'm reading a new client chart doing preparation for an intake, or writing out progress notes.

I generally don't schedule any intakes or counselling sessions until 10AM. This is better for all involved. I'm far more empathetic and perceptive after this time. So after 10AM I may have an intake or a counselling session. If I don't, I work on things like curriculum development and spend time doing general research or reading books for book reviews I post here. I figure, it's all related.

Then comes lunch. Lunch is a good thing. I generally eat with my coworkers. They're pretty awesome for the most part. We often go for a walk during lunch time.

Then I hurry back because I might have a classroom check in before class time. Basically, I have 2-3 students in the class who are "mine" for the duration. I check in with them each week, see how things are going, help them if they're having problems, work with them on any assignments they're struggling with etc...

Then comes class. If I'm teaching class, then I spent the next three hours facilitating a group. This past month I taught a class on Career Exploration, one on Criticism/Self Criticism and one about Personal Growth. There are classes about resumes and all that stuff too, but I don't do them. We have job people that do that.

If I'm not teaching class then I spend the afternoon much like I spent my morning. Counselling session, setting up appointments, reading and updating files, paper work, preparing documents etc...

Once a week we have a staff meeting, once a month we have a class review meeting, we have supervision probably once a month as well.

And that's generally what I do!

it's a lot easier

Lesson of the week: Sometimes it is WAY easier to be a social worker than a friend.

One of dearest and most beloved friends is currently dealing with extremely debilitating anxiety. If she was a client, I would know what to do, but it's so much harder to be a friend. That comes across sounding wrong somehow. I'm not sure it expresses what I'm truly trying to say. Let me try again.

I'm not trying to say that I want to be my friend's social worker, because I very much do not. What I am trying to say is that as a social worker, I have techniques and boundaries, and coworkers to debrief with, and time limited situations etc... Very rarely, does the emotional pain of my clients deeply hurt my heart. This is a good thing. It's what keeps me sane, and what enables me to be good at my job.

When my bestest bud is hurting, it breaks my heart. I hurt with her, and I hurt for her. I want to make all her pain go away. I certainly don't want to throw the responsibility back on her, I just want to fix the situation, so she doesn't have to deal with it. And I know she feels the same way, when I'm in the depths of depression (we've talked about it). Friendship is so deep on such a mutual level.

As social workers, we are able to make amazing differences in people's lives, we connect with people on a deep emotional level, but it's their emotional level, most of the time. We still have that inner running social worker dialogue going on in our heads. When it's our friends that are hurting, there's something else there.

This seems to be one of my more rambling posts, I haven't slept the greatest the past two nights, and I'm trying to express so much in this, and it's just not working.

On a positive note, because I like to end on a positive note, I got a BIKE! My last two were stolen, but hopefully this years bike, complete with even BIGGER lock, will last longer. That's the goal at least... In anycase, I'm riding to work tomorrow, and I'm very happy about that. SO glad to leave the car behind! Oh, and I made a pasta salad for lunch tomorrow, I'm very proud of myself.

and that folks, is a rare picture of the mess inside the dreamers house.

My new job

So, I've written tons and tons about the shelter over time, but I haven't yet written anything about my new job in terms of what I do, and what our program does.  The simple answer is that we provide job search support and employment support to people with mental illness who are unemployed or underemployed and whose mental illness is stable and does not currently prevent them from attaining and maintaining employment.  Okay, maybe that's not a "simple" answer, but it's an answer!  

Basically, here's how it works.  It's a small program with yearly renewable funding (meaning my job is only a for sure till March 31, 2010 last year the funding got doubled though, so I'm not tooooo worried).  People get referred by a variety of providers or self refer.  We do an intake, talk about them at the staff meeting, and then hopefully, they get into the program.  

First thing on the agenda is a four week class.  It meets for three hours a day and usually has 4-6 people in it.  They cover topics like stress management, social skills, assertiveness, conflict resolution, job interviews, resumes, cover letters, employement expectations, working with mental illness etc...  The classes are run much more like a counseling group then they are like a lecture, or at least the social worky classes are, I don't do employment classes so I'm really not sure about them.  During the four week class they check in with a counselor (me) or an employment support counselor once a week for ongoing stuff/issues with the class.  

After class, they get a "report" card and have a review meeting.  Most people "graduate" and get their certificate.  Then they move on to the job development phase.  In this phase our job developers work with them on finding the job (or the right training) that works for them.  It's really personalized attention, and can be really helpful.  The job developers also have ins with a lot of employers who are willing to hire our clients.  

Also following class, clients are given the option of working with a mental health counselor to talk about ongoing mental health issues, family issues, whatever.  There are two of us (like I said, small program) and we sort of split this up.  

Once a client has employment (and our current success rate is over 75%) they are hooked up with one of our employment support counselors.  This person connects with them weekly (at first) and the goal is to provide people with longer term support so they don't crash and burn in their new job.  

Finally, there is discharge.  We usually work with people for about a year, but of course there is variation.  If a person is in our program longer then a year with have to justify it to our funders, but it's usually not too hard.  

And so, that's my program in a nutshell!

the end of it all

I didn't post about looking/applying for a new job because I didn't want to have to write about failure.  I just find it easier not to tell people about my job prospects so I don't have to answer awkward questions later.  Of couse, these means I surprised a lot of people with my new job including you, my loyal readers... and my boss.  

I have to say, telling my boss I was going to use him as a reference wasn't exactly easy.  Especially when he wanted to know why I was leaving.  Of course, I could have declined to coment, but that just isn't my style.  So I told him... "I'm sick of being being bullied and I'm sick of locking people up".  He definitely latched onto the bullying thing.  He wanted to know why I hadn't come and talked to him further about the enforcer.  Why hadn't I said anything.  Why hadn't I just asked to change shifts etc...  My reasons, were kind of lame, and it got me thinking...and over thinking (of course). 

The truth is, in some ways, I am running away.  I'm running away from the enforcer instead of dealing with him like an adult.  It just seems so much easier.  Of course part of me believes nothing can change anyway, which is definitely part of it.  But, in so many other ways, I'm just moving on the way I always intended to.  I have ALWAYS been up front with my boss that I only intended to stay at the shelter for a year.  And while I'm a month short of a year, it just seemed like the right time, for a lot of reasons.  I got turned down, again, for a case management position at the shelter, and after that I just kind of felt like I was going nowhere there, that to stay and earn the seniority to move up to that position would just take me far too long, and after that, there was nothing.  

So what is my new job?  My title, is "Mental Health Counselor", but to tell you the truth, I'm not 100% positive exactly what I'll be doing.  I have a general idea though. Bascially, it's a work placement team for people entering/re-entering the workforce with mental illness.  People have to be somewhat stable to enter, so it's not people in the midst of horrible psychosis or anything.  So probably the most stable people I've ever worked with...  I get to be part of a multi-disiplinary team (yaaaaay) and so there are other people who concentrate more on the actual finding of employment and resumes and stuff (which is good, cause I know nothing about that).  It's a small caseload, which is good, and we spend a lot of time with each individual person.  AND I'll be working with SOCIAL WORKERS!!!  Including 2 people I went to school with, who I actually liked, but don't have any weird personal history with (although, I was a bit of a loud know it all in school, so who knows...)

I'm going for lunch with the team on April 1st, but I don't start my job till the 6th.  I like the place already.  The team leader was totally awesome about wanting to give me time to switch my body from working nights to working days and actually suggested a later starting date then I did.  I'll probably pick up a couple shifts at the shelter just so I can have SOME income during that time, but I wont' do any nights.  It'll actually help me get my schedule in order if I have to be up for something.  

In anycase, I'm excited.  I have a punch of other things to write about too (I've been making a list, lol) so you might actually get daily posts for the next week!  And then, then I'll have a whole new job to write about, new thoughts, new impressions, new staff, new clients, new everything!  To say the least, I'm excited!  

happy happy happy happy

Still Dreaming

123 Anywhere Lane

Cold Weather, CAN

A1A 1A1

 

Boss

The Homeless Shelter

321 Nowhere Grove

Cold Weather, CAN

B2B 2B2

 

Dear Boss,

 

Please accept this letter as my official communication regarding the termination of my full time employment at the homeless shelter.  As you are aware I have been offered a position as a Mental Health Counselor with the Somewhere Else Work Placement Team; I have accepted that position.  In anticipation of the beginning of that position, I would appreciate if my full time hours could be ended at the conclusion of this schedule. 

 

This letter is also a declaration of my intention to stay employed by the Homeless Shelter as a casual crisis worker.  I value the experiences I have gained and the relationships I have built with the clients here and look forward to continuing at the organization.  I will provide a calendar of my availability as required. 

 

Sincerely,

 

Still Dreaming BSW/RSW

standing up for yourself

Something I've been trying to encourage my clients to do lately is to speak out.  It seems like every day I'm hearing another story of injustice, and the abuse of my clients.  It bugs me, and while I can, and do, speak out about it, I think they need to as well.  I think not only is it more powerful coming from them, but I also think it can be very empowering.  

The thing is though, the group of people I work with tend to feel very powerless.  The most common thing I hear when I suggest "saying something" is "they won't believe me" and/or "no one will believe me".  And the thing is, they might just be right, infact, I can almost guarantee it.  However, I don't believe it always has to be this way.  

One of my clients this week came in with a black eye and a swollen hand.  When asked what happened, he said the police picked him up at a bar fight, and instead of charging him or hauling him off to the drunk tank they took him to a field at the edge of the city, beat him, and left him.  It's hard for us to believe stories like that.  The police are authority figures and this man is a homeless drug user.  However, I know this man, and he's very open about getting into fights.  He fully admits to the bar fight.  He states he was defending an old man the security guard through into the street, and this is the kind of man who would do that.  I don't see why he would make up the story about the police when he'll admit any other time that it was just a fight.  Anyway, he won't report it because they police involved would "just make it worse and beat him harder" and no one would listen anyway.  

Another client was groped by a security guard in a department store.  He tried to get her into a bathroom and called her many things I don't want to publish.  The usual things one says to females.  Her male partner (who also abuses her) "rescued" her and now wants to beat the security guard up.  He won't, because he fears reprecussions due to the guards status as an authority figure, but neither of them will report it because they feel no one will listen.  

I've been trying to help these people, and others see the bigger picture.  They're right, no one might listen.  Not the first time.  But what happens if every one this is happening to starts coming forward.  It might not make a difference, but it might, and then at least people could begin to feel like they are standing up for themselves.  As I've pointed out to them, nothing might change if you report it, but if 25 of you report it, over time, things may begin to change.  

I don't think we'll ever stop police from taking things into their own hands, men from assaulting women, and authority figures from abusing their power, at least not in my lifetime, but I think that standing up for truth and for justice can make a big difference.  

it's almost spring

I can't believe I haven't posted in a week.  Things are not going well in dreamerville, and writing just seems like too much, that and I just haven't seemed to find anything I really want to write about, I know I'll feel better if I write, and yet I can't.  I once said I'd never make this blog "emo" and depressing like, but it's a blog about social work, and social work has it's moments.  While I don't have the stats right at hand, I know that social work is an extremely challenging profession in terms of burnout and emotional stress.  Beyond that, many people are drawn to the helping professions because of difficult experiences in their own lives which of course come along for the ride.  

My strep throat seems to be making a resurgance despite the antibiotics, I'm worried that once they're gone in three days it will come back with a vengance, requiring another doctor trip and another round of antibiotics, stronger ones, which will likely make me sick.  On top of the strep, I got a super bad cold, or perhaps a flu.  The kind where you just cry because your sinus and your eyes and your everything is running.  So I sat in the car place waiting for my oil change and car check up crying.  I'm sure I looked absolutely stunning.  I called in sick again that night.  

My roof is leaking.  Nothing like coming home from work to discover your bed is wet because you didn't move the furniture because the roof wasn't leaking when you left.  Fortunately the roofer called proactively, he's determined to fix it for me, but still... wet bed, not fun.  So, I decided to try and share my somewhat broken futon with the Sophie cat.  Her "day bed" is on one end, in the sunshine, so I put my head at the other end... and wound up getting my foot bit when I invaded her space... 

Work has been challenging.  I saved another guy last night...maybe.  Same coworker as before and I busted into this guys cell in the drunk tank after he made his shirt into a rope, knotted it, and tightened it till he passed out.  After he got some more air he became super violent, like beyond violent and I had to BEG my coworker to close the door, I don't know what he was trying to do.  Anyway, it took six police officers to wrestle him into cuffs and shackles, there were only four, and they were losing till two more showed up on the scene.  After he got checked at the hospital they brought him back, more sober, he said he just wanted out and he was "pretty hammered".  Just watch him not remember this by morning.  

I need a new job.  It's scary though.  My job right now is a permanent position.  Most openings, the few there are, are for term positions.  I know that's how you start, but the idea of so little  permancy scares me.  And, I only just got benifits March 1st.  Not as big a deal in Canada, but still...I like clean teeth.  The things is though, I don't want to work in the drunk tank anymore.  I'm tired of locking people up.  Really sick of it.  I'm tired of being threatened constantly and the constant berating and abuse.  I like my shelter clients, I like them a lot.  If I could just work with them, I'd be happier, but you rotate areas at work, and so I can't just work shelter and detox.  I also really want a social work position.  I want to use more of my skills on a regular basis.  Right now a lot of my conversations go like this "I can't let you out, go to sleep".  That, and, "I need your cell, you have to get out now, it's busy tonight... GET UP".  

I'm having nightmares, especially the past couple days.  Just really bad ones.  I have a recurring one about the drunk tank, but I've had that for ages.  Now I'm just having so many.  Yesterday's was so bad I wound up just getting up, and then I went to work tired.  

I suppose I'm a bit lonely too.  But that's mostly my own doing, and definitely at least partly to do with working nights.  Best friend is have a country a way, bestest bud is in third year university and it's march, and she has a boyfriend.  There are people around, I just never seem to make the effort.  I'll have to start.  Mostly, my life seems to consist of feeling tired, dragging myself up or staying up at weird times to go to church or church meetings and working... oh, and my daily cup of coffee... i love it.  That's how I knew I was really sick, when I didn't go out and get my coffee.  I think working a day job would be good for me.  Maybe I just need to see more sunshine!  I need to go to yoga too, the exercise and breathing and sweating and high heartrate really, really help.  I've been too sick though, last time I had strep I went back to yoga a bit too soon and thought I was going to pass out right in the middle of class.  

So onward I go.  There's one job I might just apply for I found in the classifieds today, and I do have an interview on Tuesday.  I'd really love to find a job before the enforcer comes back from holidays at the end of the month.  I had a horrible nightmare about him a few nights ago.  

posts about my clients will follow... as soon as I can work up the energy...